god god damn it damn it

I hate the "season is over" talk, but - crap. If we can be made to look this bad against the Lions at home, who are we expecting to beat?

Charles Tillman, Lance Briggs, and Devin Hester are the only people on the team that consistently look like they're professional football players who expect that they can win. Everyone else is tentative and sloppy and half-asleep. Urlacher looks tired and depressed, like he's never gotten over the Grossman era, where any big plays his defense might make bought them a forty-five second respite before they were back on the field. He still makes the faces but he's got the look in his eyes of a dog that's been bred too many times, the constant look of exhaustion and annoyance at something that's supposed to be fun.

And Griese? I don't know what happened to that guy. Where the hell was that confident arm that took short gains the past few games? Why on earth was he trying to force big touchdowns and getting intercepted three times in the damn end zone? I kept expecting him to pull of a mask, Scooby Doo-villain style, and reveal that it was secretly Rex Grossman all along. Good Brian/Bad Brian? Say it ain't so.

The good news is that our schedule is pretty light from here on out, excepting the Giants. If somehow the bye week and getting healthy can make a difference, we'll know soon. If it doesn't, I'm pretty much of the opinion that you start Kyle Orton and see if he's got any juice so we can plan for the future at quarterback - obviously you can't build a franchise around Griese. Maybe we can start Orton on defense, too - he couldn't be any worse than McBride, right? Get him in as the short-man on kick returns too, really ramp up the triple-threat...

What else can you say? Has Brad Maynard got any experience at quarterback? He always seems so collected and calm under pressure, and he never fails to deliver in his current role. Anyone have Chris Leak's number? Or Ryan Leaf's? What about hijacking a bunch of South African rugby players and starting them as the offensive line? It's possible that the problem is that we're just not thinking creatively enough. The Brian Griese Cinderella story played out much better last year with Jeff Garcia, and nobody likes a cliche. Is there anything in the NFL rulebook about getting a silverback gorilla in a Bears helmet and jersey and playing him at fullback? Jason McKie's an underused bright spot on the offense, but I'm willing to bet he can't ward off tacklers like a real live gorilla. With a bit of luck, Ron Turner would antagonize him with some peanuts and the ape would rip his arms off. There's no way this can go wrong!

See, you've got to have hope, because this was just ugly. There were fits and starts of promise, but we're halfway through the season and promise means nothing - at some point you have to accept that Brian Griese isn't a starting quarterback, that Cedric Benson doesn't really want to be in the NFL at all, that the offensive line is too old to hold up, that the defense doesn't expect to win games anymore, that the receivers can hardly hold on to the ball, that the reason Devin Hester is the only person on the team anyone talks about is that he's the only player worth talking about right now.

3-5. Well, hell - it's the NFC, anything can happen. All it'll take is for us to, you know, win consecutively. The season ain't over, but it's sure as hell going to take a team that plays like winners to keep from being big, big losers.