Pissing With Brian Urlacher
by ChicagoFan on Jun 6, 2009 7:51 PM CDT
63 comments
This is a funny story about how I ran into Brian Urlacher.
I was at La Hacienda (just west of North and Halsted – near Joe’s Bar) with my gf. Once we sat down at the table, I glanced over at an adjacent table with like 15 people. Then right away I recognized him. Amongst the large group of men was the one and only Brian Urlacher. I was star struck for a lil bit. He was over my shoulder so I kept asking my gf to pretend to take pictures of me but actually take a pic of urlacher.
After a few minutes I felt kind of pathetic and decided to just enjoy my dinner date. I mean, he’s just another human being. Why was his mere presence 20 ft away eliciting such a reaction from me? I ordered my steak and enjoyed myself for about an hour. Then it happened. He got up and went to the bathroom.
All of a sudden, I needed to take a piss.
So I got up and quickly walked over to the bathroom. I didn’t have a plan, it was just a knee jerk reaction. I got in there and there were two urinals next to each other. One was occupied by urlacher, the other by some random guy. The random guy left and I assumed the position. So I unzipped, quickly realizing I didn’t really need to piss.
So there I am, pretending to take a piss, alone in a bathroom next to one of the most popular players in the NFL, wondering how I got myself in this awkward situation. I couldn’t really start a conversation with a random guy while pissing – I think that breaks some sort of man law. (before you ask – NO, I did not try to look haha). But let me tell you, urlacher piss sounds like a waterfall – I mean it was deafening. My masculinity was threatened.
So after about 15 seconds of standing next to urlacher, he zipped up, washed his hands, and left. I felt like I blew an opportunity to at least say something. This was just after that Vasher FG return where urlacher was running with him the whole way. I should given him props on that or something. I guess, you could say, I just didn’t have the balls …
So I finished my non-existent piss, washed my hands and left. I enjoyed the rest of my dinner (btw I highly recommend this place - around $20 a plate) and had a story to tell my friends.
Two weeks later I ran into him again at Nike Town. He was there shopping (although I’m sure he gets everything for free). I couldn’t mess up this opportunity – and I couldn’t fail in front of my girl again haha. Luckily, she had a camera so, without hesitating this time, I asked him for a picture. He reluctantly agreed, and I got my redemption.
Us at the restaurant - unfortunately, none of the pictures we tried to take of urlacher came out well
If i knew i was going to run into him again, i wouldn't have looked like such a slob haha. Just for reference, I was about 5'9", 150. Look how happy he is to see me haha
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Good story.
The urinal part was really funny.
by PolishSausage.Ditka.Bears. on Jun 6, 2009 9:38 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Interesting,
Good story, posting one of the pics that your gf took at the restaurant would really make it.
by Fridge72 on Jun 6, 2009 10:28 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
But let me tell you, urlacher piss sounds like a waterfall – I mean it was deafening. My masculinity was threatened.
The Bear’s Den – where the male members quietly wonder if we’re able to out-urinate the Ur(l)inator…
Also, it’s somehow good to know he washes his hands after taking a leak :-D
"They tried to take out the quarterback, and if they managed that, they tried to take out the backup." - Bears SB20 TE Emery Moorehead, on the mentality of *that* defense
by Spongie on Jun 6, 2009 10:45 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
dude.....!!!!!!
you didnt look!!!!!!??!?!??! lol
yea man i but it sounds like niagra falls
by Bear Lovin 21 on Jun 8, 2009 8:33 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Well done sir
Excellent story and Yes the pics would be greatly appreciated.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Beer in one hand - brat in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride
by icarr0331 on Jun 6, 2009 11:13 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Wow
this definitely beats that dream i had of Sweetness…
Think With Your Dipstick Jimmy!
by ifuwannacrownem on Jun 6, 2009 11:17 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
No it doesn't.
Because as far as we're concerned, there is still no team in the history of the NFL that could beat the '85 Bears.
by Ditkavsworld on Jun 7, 2009 10:17 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Agreed.
That dream was insane, man.
by bs.uf15bosox9bears23 on Jun 7, 2009 7:58 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Eh. It's a long story
can’t touch this one anyways, so no sense in telling :)
P.S. Your GF’s SSSSSmmmmmokin!
Think With Your Dipstick Jimmy!
by ifuwannacrownem on Jun 7, 2009 11:23 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Hey, she looks familiar...
Is she from Milwaukee???
lol j/k
"Well, we didn't block real good but we made up for it by not tackling."
- John McKay
by JerBear50 on Jun 9, 2009 3:00 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Just plain funny
Me likey.
Thanks for sharing.
May the wind be always at your back, and may your placekicker have icewater in his veins.
by juperee on Jun 6, 2009 11:32 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
i posted some
none of the pictured that we tried to take over my shoulder turned out well. urlacher was surrounded by people and the images were blurry
by ChicagoFan on Jun 7, 2009 12:15 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
urlacher = not just a human being
urlacher is no mere mortal, he was not born, he just emerged fully formed out of the seas (in a clam shell no less.)
"snuffalufagus fucks my shit up"
by leopoldjones on Jun 7, 2009 12:20 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
LOL
Sent down by gods.
"I'm not so mean. I wouldn't ever go out to hurt anybody deliberately - unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something." - Dick Butkus
"Invincibility lies in the defence; the possibility of victory in the attack." - Sun Tzu
by propheteer on Jun 8, 2009 12:00 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Haha.
Hilarious. Thanks for sharing! :)
"A lot of fans were drawn to me because they knew that whatever the score was, I was going to run as hard as I could on every play. You don't have that now, you have guys waiting for next week or even next year." - Walter Payton
by HoneyBear on Jun 7, 2009 12:35 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Good work
Haha I don’t blame you. I’m sure I would have done the same thing.
Rumor has it Alex Brown keeps Chris Simms' right index finger in his back pocket for good luck.
by HanelucaTC on Jun 7, 2009 4:49 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Thank God he washed his hands.
:-P
There is no infinity button for failing in sports. At some point, things turn. They always do. - Bill Simmons
by Allie on Jun 7, 2009 11:23 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
funny story but horribly misleading name
by your own admission you never pissed with him.
by tempchad on Jun 7, 2009 12:58 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
you're such a buzz-kill...
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.
by windycity72 on Jun 7, 2009 1:36 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
haha ur absolutely right
at least i tried to urinate – “Attempting to Piss Next to Brian Urlacher” just doesnt have the same ring to it
by ChicagoFan on Jun 7, 2009 2:22 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I had a similar experience with Olin Kreuntz
at training camp. I was at a bar and there were several Bears players there. (Orton had three drinks gone inside of 5 minutes) I went into the restroonm and there at the other urinal was Olin. I followed man law (eyes ahead and no talking) as he finished up. He noticed I was wearing an Iowa Hawkeye shirt and he commented on what a great team Iowa was and how much he admired Hayden Fry. I mumbled something positive about Washington and the Pac 10 in general. He said “Go Dogs” to which I replied “Go Hawks” and I remember thinking “Damn, I just pissed with a probowler.” Oh yeah, he washed his hands too.
"The cup is not half empty and neither is the cup half full. The cup's just too damn big." -George Carlton
by Just Dave on Jun 7, 2009 3:41 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
oh wow thats awesome
do they always go out during training camp? hopefully i can see a practice or two this summer
by ChicagoFan on Jun 7, 2009 6:40 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Could be another Bear’s Den one-liner… where we’re glad to hear that our favourite Bears wash their hands after taking a wee.
I can picture someone in the Bears management idly wandering onto this site and wondering what kind of freaks frequent this blog :-D
"They tried to take out the quarterback, and if they managed that, they tried to take out the backup." - Bears SB20 TE Emery Moorehead, on the mentality of *that* defense
by Spongie on Jun 7, 2009 8:17 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Great story.
Stagefright x 10 even if you did have to go. That’s good stuff and thanks for sharing.
Hear about the blind hooker, you gotta hand it to her.
Rex Grossman has to be a test-tube baby, cause he's not worth a f---!!!
by Bears fan 4-ever!!! on Jun 7, 2009 5:51 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
hey, at least you had the stones to...
ask the second time around and come out of it with a picture. Plus, had to look good for ya to ur girl. have to say that is a success bro. gotta go watch brown vs. faber.
Hear about the blind hooker, you gotta hand it to her.
Rex Grossman has to be a test-tube baby, cause he's not worth a f---!!!
by Bears fan 4-ever!!! on Jun 7, 2009 8:11 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
awesome fight
whole card was good. Can’t wait til August…
"Well, we didn't block real good but we made up for it by not tackling."
- John McKay
by JerBear50 on Jun 9, 2009 2:54 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
That bottom picture needs to be used in a caption competition...
…or in a “What is Brian thinking?” one.
"They tried to take out the quarterback, and if they managed that, they tried to take out the backup." - Bears SB20 TE Emery Moorehead, on the mentality of *that* defense
by Spongie on Jun 7, 2009 8:18 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
haha just a bunch of ppl ripping on me
i can take it
by ChicagoFan on Jun 7, 2009 8:46 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
good idea
Hear about the blind hooker, you gotta hand it to her.
Rex Grossman has to be a test-tube baby, cause he's not worth a f---!!!
by Bears fan 4-ever!!! on Jun 7, 2009 10:40 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
lol...haven't seen that dude since police academy xx.
Hear about the blind hooker, you gotta hand it to her.
Rex Grossman has to be a test-tube baby, cause he's not worth a f---!!!
by Bears fan 4-ever!!! on Jun 7, 2009 10:39 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I pissed
next to Steve Clark at a Jimmy Page concert at the UIC pavilion (the one who died of a drug overdose).
"I'm not so mean. I wouldn't ever go out to hurt anybody deliberately - unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something." - Dick Butkus
"Invincibility lies in the defence; the possibility of victory in the attack." - Sun Tzu
by propheteer on Jun 8, 2009 12:06 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I pissed next to a guy
who actually broke the unwritten rule. Then he said, “jeez, buddy. You got a license for that?”
I chuckled, but on the inside, I felt like a man whore, being raped of my dignity.
Think With Your Dipstick Jimmy!
by ifuwannacrownem on Jun 8, 2009 6:56 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
wow
this is such a lie
"snuffalufagus fucks my shit up"
by leopoldjones on Jun 9, 2009 1:20 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
why? are you jealous that a guy won't comment on the size of your[Genitalia]?
Think With Your Dipstick Jimmy!
by ifuwannacrownem on Jun 9, 2009 10:01 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
not jealous
just pointing out your obvious lie, no guy just comments on another guys junk, not even gay guys.
"snuffalufagus fucks my shit up"
by leopoldjones on Jun 10, 2009 10:27 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Yeah.
I wasn’t gonna say anything, but that did sound like a desperate lie, ifuwanna.
by bs.uf15bosox9bears23 on Jun 11, 2009 9:57 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I remember him telling me that a year ago
not saying he’s telling me the truth, but seeing that it happened in one of those bars he used to go to, I wouldn’t doubt it.
Nobody rec’d the bible or the declaration of independence. Those turned out swell.
-Ifuwanna
by KtownBear on Jun 12, 2009 10:32 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I’m not implying a gay bar, BTW. Just alot of old drunk white guys.
Nobody rec’d the bible or the declaration of independence. Those turned out swell.
-Ifuwanna
by KtownBear on Jun 12, 2009 10:34 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Steve Clark of Def Leppard
"I'm not so mean. I wouldn't ever go out to hurt anybody deliberately - unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something." - Dick Butkus
"Invincibility lies in the defence; the possibility of victory in the attack." - Sun Tzu
by propheteer on Jun 8, 2009 12:06 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
pissed next to former chicago bull ...
Dickey Simpkins – at Ohare airport
by ChicagoFan on Jun 9, 2009 6:07 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Yeah, but he wasn't there to use the bathroom.
He was cleaning it.
"Well, we didn't block real good but we made up for it by not tackling."
- John McKay
by JerBear50 on Jun 10, 2009 1:36 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Great encounter
He does look absolutely thrilled to take a picture with you. Maybe he was hungover or something.
"I'm not so mean. I wouldn't ever go out to hurt anybody deliberately - unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something." - Dick Butkus
"Invincibility lies in the defence; the possibility of victory in the attack." - Sun Tzu
by propheteer on Jun 8, 2009 12:07 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
this has turned into the gayest fan post this side of the LIbarce Blog
by tempchad on Jun 8, 2009 12:39 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
for once i agree with you...
not to take anything away from you, or the ORIGINAL story chicago fan, but, uhhh…
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.
by windycity72 on Jun 8, 2009 11:37 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
good story!
He looks real happy in that pic!
by Lester A. Wiltfong Jr. on Jun 8, 2009 8:48 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
are those pictures from the same night
"snuffalufagus fucks my shit up"
by leopoldjones on Jun 9, 2009 1:22 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
RTFA
Be nice. Flag comments that you think are offensive. Use the "reply" button. Drink plenty of water. Compliment others. "Rec" comments and posts you like. Don't call people names. If you don't like someone's comment, attack the comment and not the commentor. Learn the difference in your/you're, then/than, to/too. Exercise. Relax. Stretch often. Find good in the world.
by Dane Noble on Jun 9, 2009 1:52 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
think i just figured out what that meant....
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.
by windycity72 on Jun 9, 2009 2:21 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Read the full article??
"A lot of fans were drawn to me because they knew that whatever the score was, I was going to run as hard as I could on every play. You don't have that now, you have guys waiting for next week or even next year." - Walter Payton
by HoneyBear on Jun 9, 2009 3:10 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
lol... "FULL" article.... ahhh!
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.
by windycity72 on Jun 9, 2009 3:22 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
That could be it too.
Or “Read the friggin’ Article.”
Be nice. Flag comments that you think are offensive. Use the "reply" button. Drink plenty of water. Compliment others. "Rec" comments and posts you like. Don't call people names. If you don't like someone's comment, attack the comment and not the commentor. Learn the difference in your/you're, then/than, to/too. Exercise. Relax. Stretch often. Find good in the world.
by Dane Noble on Jun 9, 2009 3:23 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
article was way too long
"snuffalufagus fucks my shit up"
by leopoldjones on Jun 10, 2009 10:29 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
HA - the title reminds me of a guy from college "Smoking up with Mike Alstot" story
It turned out that they were at the same party. He was upstairs and Alstott downstairs. Alstott’s eyes must have looked glassey, and he yelled hay Alstott you rule as Mike was leaving the party. This is what actually happened; I will save you the details of his night partying with Mike Alstott like they were best friends, but he had a 30 minute story of how cool he was and all the fun stuff that Mike and him did at this party.
by Jesse07 on Jun 10, 2009 11:40 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
that sounds a little better than my story haha
nervous fan pretending to urinate vs partying with a probowler haha
by ChicagoFan on Jun 10, 2009 2:31 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Haha
funny story man
Sporting 4 Sports
by 4sportathlete on Jun 12, 2009 12:52 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
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