5 Questions With: The Dolphins (Sort of)

Tony Sparano frowns on our shenanigans. (Photo by Rick Stewart/Getty Images)

This week's Five Questions post is in the same format as our previous interview with the Raiders, and we were lucky enough to have several people close to the Dolphins take the time to answer our questions.  Oh, and there are only four questions, for reasons unknown to anyone.  Hope you enjoy!

1- People constantly refer to that Dolphins team of 19whatever year it was, and how no one will ever come close to being as dominant as them. Every year, we see another NFL team's dream crushed and champagne go un-popped when they lose their first game.  Tell us about that Dolphins team and how they would stack up to the 1985 Bears and the 2007 Patriots.

 

Mercury Morris-- Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? You've got to be kidding me, son. It was 1972, and we were the best ever. You line us up right now, we probably win 13 games and go to the AFC championship. These players today, they have no work ethic, they just luck into whatever they have going on. They make millions of dollars, and they don't even have to play every down! We used to run three a day practices in the heat, and now they've got a guy who runs over and squirts water in their mouth if they run more than 10 yards. We're the only ones who've ever climbed that mountain and planted our flag on it, and we're waiting for someone to climb this mountain and cook beans on the fire with us, but nobody's every going to make it. The '85 Bears? They got beat by one dude, a Dolphin, no less. The Patriots? Led by Tom Brady? The guy who asks for flags all the time? I'll tell you right now, if Bob had ever asked for as many flags as that guy asks for, I'dve punched his lights out and played quarterback my own damn self.

2- Ricky Williams seems to be really focused on football nowadays, but can you tell us a little bit about what he's been through, and what he brings to the team?

Ricky Williams-- Well, you know, I just had to do a lot of things to be the best person I can be. I took some time, did a lot of travelling, and really thought, who is Ricky Williams? For a long time, I felt like a human robot, living inside a Ricky Williams suit. I learned a lot, though. I learned holistic medicines, and how to purify the body through the use of nature. I also took up macrame. I can make a pair of jean shorts that I think you would really like. With regards to what I bring to the team now, you know, it's really a matter of being me, and using the talents that I've been blessed with to make us a better football team. We're a good team, and I really believe in the inherent greatness of all of these beautiful people around me.

3- How has Lebron James affected the pro sports culture in Miami, and do you think he could play for the Dolphins?

Tony Sparano-- Hey, you know, it's been great having him in town. He's really takin' a lot of the "Heat" off us Dolphins, yaknowhati'msayin? (*chuckles to self) Every time the Heat lose a game, I know it's one less question about Chad Henne I'm going to have to deal with. Seriously, though, do I think he could play for us? I dunno about that, y'know. He's good at calling for fouls. It'd be nice to have another big guy down field pulling some flags for us. Otherwise, no. I mean, why would I want him?

4- What's the deal with the name of your stadium, and why is it so complicated?

Marc Anthony-- I'm not sure what is so complicated, it's Sun Life Stadium. I mean, I'm pretty busy being the father of Jennifer Lopez's babies, but I think I can handle a three word name. (Looks puzzled for a second.) Wait what? It's had seven names? Well for a really old building like that, that makes sense. Oh...it's only been open since '87? Hold on, I have to make a phone call.  (*dials phone*) Hello? Hey, why does the stadium have so many names. I need to know. I need to know. Tell me baby girl, I need to know. (Unfortunately, at this point Mr. Anthony walked away and was unable to provide any further answers.)

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Thanks guys!

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