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The Chicago Bears Should Sign Randy Moss Now!

CHICAGO - OCTOBER 24: Olin Kreutz can smell what The Rock is cookin'.  Can you?

O.K. not really, but there has been so much speculation about this topic I thought it would make a catchy title.  However, if you began reading this article based solely on wanting to discuss the topic of signing Randy Moss I apologize.  You should now go read something else.  If you want to know why the Bears are losing games however, I think I have found the answer.  I should give a helmet tip to SJS Illini for his article "What's a in a Fan, Anyway?"  Good read.  I must warn you if you want a real, professional breakdown of your Chicago Bears go buy a newspaper or read something on WCG by someone not named David.  If you want my take, read on.

Many people on this site and others around the interwebs have delved into the reasons for the Bears struggles this season.  Several have questioned the play calling by Uncle Mike.  Many have wondered if our quarterback makes the goodest decisions. (Grammar be damned.) Almost everyone who can draw breath and gives a rip about Chicago sports will acknowledge that our offensive line is questionable at best.  But that isn't the real problem Bears fans.  Join me to find out what the real culprit is.

Star-divide

I've given this a lot of thought.   I've looked at game film of the games we won and the games we lost.  I've broken down footage of nearly every play and analyzed pages of statistics searching for patterns that would explain the reasons for our struggles, (Well, ok not really, but let's pretend I have for the sake of argument) I have read every article by Lester Wiltfong Jr. TWICE and I have come to the conclusion that I know what the problem is.  It's me.  

I'm the reason the Bears are struggling this season.  I think it started off when I picked the wrong jersey to wear the day of the Giants game.  Normally I grab a random jersey and go but that day I actually thought about what jersey to wear.  This obviously threw off the team mojo for the entire game as evidenced by the multiple sacks given up that night.  I think I added insult to injury (literally) when I kept screaming for them to pull Cutler before he got hurt which obviously led to the self-fullfilling prophecy of Jay Cutler actually getting hurt.  Again, a poor call on my part.  

Next came the Seahawks debacle.  This one is clearly on me and here is why.  The whole game I wondered who was going to step up and help out with the corner blitz.  I was too patient with the offensive line.  I didn't curse nearly loud enough and when I did it was at the wrong moment.   But my biggest mistake was begging them to get Greg Olsen more involved in the game. I kept shouting "Where's Olsen?"  over and over.  I think Mike heard me.  Greg Olsen showed up.  At tackle.  He was badly mismatched and we looked awful.  

But I think the Washington game is probably my biggest disappointment in myself.  Before the game I was saying to myself that I was developing an ulcer over professional football and I should just take it easy for a week and try to be a little less "me" for a game.  The game took place on my father's birthday.  I would be watching it at his house amongst family so what better day to try and remain calm and keep it in perspective.  I entered that game flat.  No emotion.  I didn't even check in to the in game thread (I know, I know).  I couldn't have messed with the team's "awesomeness vibe" any worse than if I'd donned Redskins garb and chanted "McNabb".  The team clearly picked up on the lack of emotion I was generating.  They reflected my level of fandom that day by playing just as flat and lifeless as I was acting.  

Well, no more of that and my digestive system be damned.  From here on out I'm bringing the fire every week even if it eats a hole in my stomach.  From now on out I'm doubling my efforts as a fan.  And I'm counting on you people to help.  Get involved in the "In Game" threads.  Let me know when I'm supposed to get angry and who's head I need to be calling for.  Make me the best, most effective fan I can be and I promise to use my powers for the good of everything Bears.  For the three losses?  I beg your forgiveness.  Mea Culpa.  But please make sure you join me next week because I need all the help I can get.  And so do the Bears.  (On a side note I'm also the reason why the Iowa Hawkeyes won't be contending for a national championship this year but that's another post for another site.)

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"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

by Black-sheep on Nov 2, 2010 3:15 PM CDT reply actions  

LOL

clearly I just read the headline.

Agree with everything else

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

by Black-sheep on Nov 2, 2010 3:17 PM CDT up reply actions  

I have a theory that 50% of all readers just read the head lines.

25% more just read before the jump, and another 15% read only the comments leaving about 10% that actually read the stories. In other words, the contributing writers and editors.

If you can't laugh at yourself you must not be very funny.
I remain a pessimistically hopeful Bears fan.

by Just Dave on Nov 2, 2010 3:33 PM CDT up reply actions   1 recs

I try and read as much as possible

and 49.76% of all statistics are made up

"I'd rather have an ugly win than an ugly loss. Yeah, they had a lot of yards, but yards don't mean crap. Points do." -Brian Urlacher

by BearNecessities on Nov 2, 2010 3:35 PM CDT up reply actions  

Probably less than that, Dave...

American attention span of 3 nanoseconds and all…

by Doshi on Nov 2, 2010 5:29 PM CDT up reply actions  

You mean I’m allowed to reaction-post based on what I imagine is being said by skimming the title? Why don’t you people tell me these things?

"44 years of football history and nothing to show for it. I wish I wasn’t banned at the Norseman.." - tfrabotta
"Fellas, what are they, unblockable? Is that the '85 Bears over there?" - Tom Coughlin, Giants '06 training camp
~~~ Check my profile for links for SB20 and America's Game: '85 Bears ~~~

by Spongie on Nov 4, 2010 7:06 PM CDT up reply actions  

I read all of them!

But then again… I have to to edit them… :P Haha

"A lot of fans were drawn to me because they knew that whatever the score was, I was going to run as hard as I could on every play. You don't have that now, you have guys waiting for next week or even next year." - Walter Payton

Editor/Writer for WindyCityGridiron.com

by Ashley Czuba on Nov 2, 2010 7:41 PM CDT up reply actions  

If it can't be twittered, it shouldn't be read.

/gags

"The time has come to get deeply into Football. It is the only thing we have left that ain't fixed." - HST

by JerBear50 on Nov 4, 2010 11:15 PM CDT up reply actions  

Wow.

Great write up…not. haha. just kidding. If you actually use the perspective of the organization as a whole instead of just your perspective then everything is right, but that’s probably what you were going for or something.

Annos Catuli. Every Year.

by OldStyle_and_Ivy on Nov 2, 2010 3:33 PM CDT reply actions  

Nice post

What jersey did you wear for the Giants game? And I’m OK with you ruining the Iowa title hopes.

One time while a young lad, someone made fun of the Ditka name. One time.

by Lester A. Wiltfong Jr. on Nov 2, 2010 3:51 PM CDT reply actions  

Love it!

What’s funny is there is a sect of Bears fans who think those of us who criticize the team are responsible for the teams failures :)

by bearsvegas on Nov 2, 2010 4:02 PM CDT reply actions  

Eh, why not...

If they were too lazy to get Mankins, why not Moss?

Lifelong Arizona Cardinals/Chicago Bears fan [I have always lived in Arizona, dad is from Chicago].

I can't stand fair-weather/bandwagon fans, stick with your team(s), throughout the good and the bad. And don't switch to whichever team wins the Super Bowl each year.

by JoeCB1991 on Nov 2, 2010 5:09 PM CDT reply actions  

I need to find something like this of mine

I can’t pin it down but I now something is there.

by DaHamsta on Nov 2, 2010 5:59 PM CDT reply actions  

*know

I need some sort of mind-reading computer to prevent typos.

by DaHamsta on Nov 2, 2010 6:01 PM CDT up reply actions  

God Forbid a mind reading computer...

…HoneyBear would be up all night editing out the perversity that would make it onto these pristine pages.

"I am a sinner who does not expect forgiveness. But I am not a government official." - Francis Wolcott

by Maelvampyre on Nov 2, 2010 10:27 PM CDT up reply actions  

Haha.

Oh dear… good point… or could I just make it mind-read my editing?? lol

"A lot of fans were drawn to me because they knew that whatever the score was, I was going to run as hard as I could on every play. You don't have that now, you have guys waiting for next week or even next year." - Walter Payton

Editor/Writer for WindyCityGridiron.com

by Ashley Czuba on Nov 3, 2010 6:45 PM CDT up reply actions  

All you ever talk about is...

Randy Moss this and Randy Moss that and why not Randy Moss and…

OH…sorry…uh…well like try washing that damn jersey you superstitious goon!

IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO FIRE LOVIE (IT'S BACK BABY!)!!!

"There's a fine line between stupid, and clever!"

by LostInSTL on Nov 2, 2010 6:51 PM CDT reply actions  

i thought you were serious at first.

In an Ideal world I would have all ten fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just be a fist for punching./ Free Free

by BL3ACH on Nov 2, 2010 7:59 PM CDT reply actions  

NEVER!!!

If you can't laugh at yourself you must not be very funny.
I remain a pessimistically hopeful Bears fan.

by Just Dave on Nov 2, 2010 8:00 PM CDT up reply actions  

This is your Brain (holds up an egg)

this is your brain on Bears football (cracks egg and drops it into a hot frying pan)

either that or you’ve made a good start towards preparing breakfast.

By the way George Halas wore #7 as a player, try that jersey some time.

by 62bearsthe best on Nov 2, 2010 11:10 PM CDT reply actions  

Just want to say,

I’ve done my fair share of complaining about the Bears coaching staff; but Damn, Brad Childress is a Freaking, Freaking idiot.

by Fridge72 on Nov 3, 2010 12:54 AM CDT reply actions  

At Least Childress Fires People Quickly

It took Lovie Dovie 3 years to get rid of Mark Anderson and we still got Tommie Harris!

by Gaak on Nov 3, 2010 4:46 AM CDT up reply actions  

Sure that is true,

I’m not making any excuses for Lovie, The respective mismanagement of their teams is tangible. Brad Childress is a freakin idiot.

by Fridge72 on Nov 3, 2010 3:01 PM CDT up reply actions  

Yes, get Randy Moss

Things can’t get any worse than what we’re at now so why not…

by Gaak on Nov 3, 2010 4:35 AM CDT reply actions  

by that logic

things couldn’t get any worse than if we still had Wannstedt coaching. You can use that logic for almost anyone at any position with this team.

by jimribs on Nov 3, 2010 9:44 AM CDT up reply actions  

Thanks for the h/t, much 'preciated.

And very nicely done on the article FanPost witty diatribe talky talk err, whatever this drivel is called. As a jinx-buster, I will now be getting a “jersey foul” Just Dave jersey. Er, what number would that be, 00? ;-)

by Steven Schweickert on Nov 3, 2010 7:20 AM CDT reply actions  

I prefer the term "raving lunatic".

If you can't laugh at yourself you must not be very funny.
I remain a pessimistically hopeful Bears fan.

by Just Dave on Nov 3, 2010 9:02 AM CDT up reply actions  

But what about your Rally Thong?

"The time has come to get deeply into Football. It is the only thing we have left that ain't fixed." - HST

by JerBear50 on Nov 4, 2010 11:20 PM CDT reply actions  

Nice.

I’ll have to find one.

If you can't laugh at yourself you must not be very funny.
I remain a pessimistically hopeful Bears fan.

by Just Dave on Nov 5, 2010 10:48 AM CDT up reply actions  

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