Five Questions With: Oakland Raiders (Sort of)

With the official Game Preview coming up shortly, we thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and post our Five Questions article while we wait.

Windy City Gridiron was unfortunately unable to connect with SBN's Oakland Raiders website Silver and Black Pride, but we were still able to get our Five Questions answered. 

By whom, you ask?  Well, who better to give expert opinions than Al Davis and JaMarcus Russell? 

JaMarcus: You know (takes a bite of a Double Whopper with cheese) I think they are doomed.   That team has some talented players on both sides of the ball (slurps on a chocolate shake) but I really think they lack leadership.  Top to bottom, where's the leaders?  I mean, come on, look what happened to me!  JaMarcus was clearly the best thing offensively going and they cut me...  and for what, cuz JaMarcus put on a few pounds?  I think they'll be lucky to find 6 wins. Now where are my damn fries?!?!

AL: We're the best damned football team ever. We better be. I keep throwing money at this thing and at some point, it's going to stick. We're the Raiders! We won Super Bowls before that fatty JaMarcus was even born! The hardest part is that these players are just so young. I find myself yelling at them to get off my yard, and then my "assistant (suck-up) tells me "That's Jason Campbell. He's our new quarterback." I tell you, I didn't steal renegotiate this team in the 70s to lose to that crybaby weirdo Rivers in SD.

2- Tell us about the extracurricular activities that the team is involved in.

JaMarcus: I'll tell you this when Jamarcus was there it was a loose locker room, almost too loose, but we knew how to have fun, we didn't win much, but we got our Purple drank on and we had a hell of a post game spread.

AL: I don't know what these kids do. They're all listening to that rap music in the locker room, so I can only assume they're doing drugs and banging gangs or whatever it is they do. I don't care. They just better show up to practices and games, and play the game. I didn't collect all those souls for the dark overlord just to see sub par football played.

3- Raiders offense vs Bears defense... how will that go?

JaMarcus: Come on man!  If JaMarcus was still slinging it, it'd be a no doubter, we'd rack up the points faster than I can clear a buffet line.  And I was fast, you think my combine 4.84 forty was fast, you should have stuck some mashed potatoes and gravy at the finish line and I'd a broke 4.75!  No JaMarcus means a lot of rag arm Jason Campbell trying to throw to his TEs...  BORING!!!  I'm looking forward to seeing Bears safety Craig Steltz light up someone, LSU represent!!!

AL: I swear that I will rip out the beating hearts of this entire offense and devour them if they don't score at least 10 points this time.

4- What's the best and worst part about being an Oakland Raider?

JaMarcus: Best part...  $31.5 million guaranteed dollars, cha-motherf#$%^@!-ching.  The worst part...  head coach Tom Cable, that guy should grow his hair out and pretend he's a Ryan triplet.  And I can't forget the crypt keeper himself, Mr. Al Davis, yeah I know you paid me, but you really trying to take my money back?  You can't have it.

AL: I like owning this team, but the stupid idiots in the league won't let me field a team of robots so I have to keep paying people like that tubby bastige Russell good valuable money. It seems like anymore, no matter what I do, everyone is out to get me.

5- Any random rambling you'd like to do while you are here?

JaMarcus: Hell yes... could someone please tell the Arena League, the Canadian League - and by the way what the hell is a Tiger-Cat?  Isn't all tigers cats? - , and tell whatever the hell the UFL League is to stop calling me!  JaMarcus is an NFL quarterback.  I ain't no minor league talent.

AL: I'd like to make three things known right now: The Raiders are the best team ever, we will win more than 5 games this season, and due to certain deals I've put in place, I'm going to outlive all of you.

Big tip of the helmet goes to a couple of WCG writers (shh, don't tell anyone) for providing the answers to our questions!