It's the end of the season, and I've got a lot of problems with you people.
THE HEADSET GANG. Drop the prevent D. Forget about the overly complicated offensive scheme most players can't play. Learn to use timeouts. Understand some plays on offense will never work, and some defensive schemes are fodder to today's pass-heavy offenses.
THE DUMB FOREST. Well, you surely make Cutler look like a all-pro. At least his survival instinct started kicking in, and made him play some amazing moves until he got injured. I heard Brees likes survival training and stuff like that. Maybe we could invite him to play a game here. I'm sure he'd stick a photo of him with Cutler along the ones of him and his Marine buddies.
THE DALLAS BOYS. So, did Hurd move here to expand his business, or was he really interested in playing football? After watching Roy Williams make a few quality catches with McCown, I noticed what his problem was: since McCown is used to throw ball at high-school kids, Roy finally found a QB used to his mentality. Barber... just don't mess games around. Feel free to faceplant on TD celebrations all you want and as often as you'd like, but PLEASE no more crap like the end of the Broncos game.
MEATHEADS. Look, I understand this season has been a rollercoaster, but by the end of January, for some Hanie should just become the starter. 11 months later, he's a pariah. If Martz had placed Enderle as the backup, which he wanted, he'd be ripped for not playing the Haniestache, a player he was never that fond of to begin with. So, he humored everyone by putting him at backup, and then people proceed to rip him after the same guy stunk up the place. Well, I kinda expected Hanie to perform better, so maybe I should just stick a toothpick under my toenail and kick a wall, too.
LATE SEASON HESTER. You're great. But you're also injured. There were a few of dumb returns from the endzone for 15 or less, not to mention the usual "I'm just going to let this one hit the ground and roll out for the endzo... 4 yard line"
ZEBRAS. Here's an idea, take your eyes from your precious QBs, and start looking at the lines. I've seen Pep being blocked in all kinds of ways illegal since the times you could just bitch-slap the tackle and go your way to twist the hell out of the QBs helmet. If the QBs are so protected to the point of being almost untouchable without drawing a flag, at least give the defensive side a legit shot at getting a sack other than the o-line missing an assignment or the QB freelancing rollouts without protection. We might as well start playing in 3-4 and drop Peppers into coverage.
FORTE: An adventurous season, until he took an arrow in the knee. Maybe he should have accepted that nice contract.
THE RECEIVERS. Pro-tip: you're supposed to grab the "big brown thing". Unless it's a Packers historic helmet. That's a 15 yard penalty.
Well, that is all from me. Thank you, and good night.