The Superfans Present: Top 10 things to do this offseason

by Lester A. Wiltfong Jr. on Apr 14, 2011 10:46 AM CDT in Superfans

Some of you may not realize that I have a working relationship with the Superfans. Yeah, I'm kind of a big deal. I've been fortunate enough to host a couple Q&A sessions between them and the fine members of Windy City Gridiron. And I've had them give their season predictions the last couple of years. This time out I received a fax from them, yes a fax, and in the spirit of the classic top 10 lists of David Letterman, we present for your reading pleasure...

From the Superfans Home Office in Joliet, Illinois, the Top Ten Things for Chicago Bears fans to do this off-season.

10) Re-watch Kicking And Screaming starring Mike Ditka and that guy from Saturday Night Live.

9) Da Bulls!!! They will make a glorious run through the NBA playoffs culminating in title #7, and kicking off the first of what will no doubt be a minimum eightpeat.

8) And let us not forget about the Blackhawks my friend. Lord Stanley's Cup will be staying in Chicago for another year. Kaner will once again bring the Cup and meet us at Ditka's Restaurant so we might partake in a sip from the Cup of Da Coach's sensational 2007 red wine with aromas of currant and black plum which lead into integrated tannins with hints of chocolate and herbs.

7) Take in a few Chicago Rush games and hope to catch a glimpse of their owner. You know which one.

6) Macrame. Don't judge us.

5) Drive to Connecticut, take the ESPN studio tour, locate Trent Dilfer, kick him in the nads.

4) Read the transcript to one of our favorite Superfans posts of all time, The Superfans Present: Truths About Da Coach!

3) Go in for a bypass surgery, or as we like to refer to it as; Our annual checkup.

2) Get Todd really, really, really, really, really drunk, throw him in his hot tub, put in the VHS tape of Super Bowl XX, and convince him we went back in time. He falls for it every time!

1) Sausagefest.

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We would like to set the record straight

Dear WCG Members,

Our working relationship with Lester is more based on opportunity and convenience than it is based on any sort of favoritism we may have towards his writings on Windy City Gridiron. We would like to make it clear that Lester isn’t even our favorite writer on WCG. He’s probably our fourth or fifth favor… um… actually, on second thought, make that our eighth fav… no… well… let’s just say he’s close to being in the top ten.

Sincerely,

The Superfans

p.s. That Macramé line is all Carl.
p.s.s. Ditka

Bill Swerski: Alright, alright! Now, let me shift gears here for a moment. What is God's role in this? Obviously, he's rooting for Da Bears.

Pat Arnold: Otherwise, he wouldn't have put 'em in Chicago.

by Superfans on Apr 14, 2011 11:03 AM CDT reply actions

Which 3 would you place below Les?

by Doshi on Apr 14, 2011 11:29 AM CDT up reply actions

Double check what we wrote

let’s just say he’s close to being in the top ten.

We’d prefer to just leave it at that!

Bill Swerski: Alright, alright! Now, let me shift gears here for a moment. What is God's role in this? Obviously, he's rooting for Da Bears.

Pat Arnold: Otherwise, he wouldn't have put 'em in Chicago.

by Superfans on Apr 14, 2011 11:34 AM CDT up reply actions

I'll offer up gas money for #5 if I get to take a shot at him, too!

I am epic win. It is much inspirational, no? No pain, no pain - Rich Russian Guy from directv commercials

by Swarley on Apr 14, 2011 11:37 AM CDT reply actions

For the love of Ditka, someone do this. Give him one from me, and then drop a little bath sponge beside him and take a photo while he’s curled up in agony :-D

Acreman20: 127 hours is pretty decent.
awfullyquiet: How long is that movie?
Acreman20: 93 minutes.

by Spongie on Apr 14, 2011 1:29 PM CDT up reply actions

Heck if we do this I'll not only pay for the gas

I’ll supply the bus, pizza and beer. (none for the driver of course).

by TheotherDane on Apr 14, 2011 2:02 PM CDT up reply actions

is there liqour also?

by chiguy8506 on Apr 14, 2011 2:48 PM CDT up reply actions

So..

we could literally ‘get off the bus running’ and kick Dilfer in the nads? I like it!

by boondock_saint812 on Apr 14, 2011 3:03 PM CDT up reply actions

That's funny because i just watched hot tub time machine last night, WOAH!

I'll roll up

by suckmyditka on Apr 14, 2011 11:44 AM CDT reply actions

White Buffalo.

When the world slips you a Jeffrey, stroke a furry wall.
- Aldous Snow

by Ditkavsworld on Apr 14, 2011 11:49 AM CDT up reply actions

(whispers) white buffalo

If you go in the bathroom, turn off the lights, and say "Da Coach" 5 times while facing the mirror... Ditka will appear and slap the wussy right out of you.

by Lester A. Wiltfong Jr. on Apr 14, 2011 12:09 PM CDT up reply actions

(whispers even quieter) white buffalo…

I'll roll up

by suckmyditka on Apr 14, 2011 12:15 PM CDT up reply actions

Why are you guys whispering?

by boondock_saint812 on Apr 14, 2011 1:27 PM CDT up reply actions

(whispers even quieter yet) white buffalo

If you go in the bathroom, turn off the lights, and say "Da Coach" 5 times while facing the mirror... Ditka will appear and slap the wussy right out of you.

by Lester A. Wiltfong Jr. on Apr 14, 2011 1:41 PM CDT up reply actions