Bill Swerski's Superfans Predict The 2011 Season (part 2)

If you need to catch up on the predictions so far then click here for part 1.  If you need to catch up on who the Superfans are then tsk, tsk, tsk...  On with part 2!

Bill - Welcome back to our 2011 Prediction Show, live from Ditka's restaurant in Chicago, Illinois.  Before we get started we'd like to do a couple a things.  One, we'd like to take to task all the prognosticators and so called experts out there that failed to live up to our stellar Bears predictions for 2010. 
Carl - We did come closer than any other analysts out there.
Pat - I must say I cleaned house with my monetary wagering throughout the year.
Bill - Perhaps we'll get our national due for our clairvoyancy this season, as we once again no doubtedly will be the '85 Bears of predictors.
Todd - That means we will be the best!

Pat - Would one say that one who is best at being a predictor could also be called a pre-Ditka-or?
Bill - Yes.  I think that goes without saying.
Todd - Then on with the pre-Ditka-tions!
Bill - Wow.  Todd is on his game today.
Todd - What game?
Bill - Moving on...  The second thing we'd like to do is give a quick recap of our show thus far.  We have the Bears sitting at 7-0 heading into their bye week.  Da Bears.
All - Da Bears!

Pat - After the "fortnight" of inactivity our beloved Bears will take on the Eagles in what seems to be an every year match-up.  This time however, it's a Monday nighter in Philadelphia. 
Carl - Seeing as how Da Coach
All - Da Coach!
Carl - was born in Carnigie, Pennsylvania and raised in Aliquippa, Pennsylvania, then played collegiately at the University of Pittsburgh which is also coincidentally in the state of Pennsylvania, and seeing as how he played two professional years in Philadelphia with the Eagles
Bill - A moment of silence for the Ditka as an Eagle years... ... ... ... ... thank you.
Carl - and taking into consideration that his other Ditka's restaurant resides in Pittsburgh
Todd - (interrupting) Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania?
Carl - Yes.
Todd - Are we in the Pittsburgh Ditka's now?
Carl - No.  Someone pour him another beer please.  As I was saying, seeing as how there are all dose coincidentally Pennsylvania connections connected to one of the true greats to ever lace 'em up for a certain team that normally calls Soldier Field home, this week 9 game in Philly could be considered a home game for our beloved Bears.
Bill - Wow.  I'm flabbergasted at your line of thinking.   The way you connected da dots there, it's like you should be working for the CIA.  Since you got us all the way here, it only makes sense you bring it home, so, your prediction fine sir?
Carl - Bears 89, for obvious reasons, and the Eagles negative 21.
All - Da Bears!

Bill - The Lions are up for round 2, and with the week 5 beat down still fresh in their heads, this one should be a cakewalk.
Todd - Mmmm, cake.
Pat - I think Jay Cutler will have an outstanding game.  The Detroit secondary isn't exactly what you would call, good.  I can see Midway Jay tossing 5 or 6 scores, for a final score of 57 to 3. 
All - Da Bears!

Bill - The San Diego Chargers come to town with their assclown of a quarterback, Philip Rivers.  He and Jay have a bit of a history, and I can see da Bears defense rallying around Jay Sizzle to take down the loudmouthed Rivers.  My early guess is a minimum of 8 sacks, with about 3 interceptions, at at least 2 broken bones.
Carl - I'd like to propose a drinking game for this week's match-up.
Todd - Oh, that game.
Bill - I'm all ears, please give us the rules and regulations for your proposed drinking game to the week 11 contest between our beloved Bears and the powder blue Bolts.
Carl - Any mention of Cutlers and/or Rivers body language take a drink.  Any mention of the bad blood between the two, drink.  And any video clips shown of the bad blood from Cutlers Broncos days, drink.  Any trash talk from Rivers to the Bears defense then take a drink to the memory of Philip Rivers.
Pat - I like it.  And I like the Bears to win by 40.
All - Da Bears!

Bill - Our beloved Bears next travel to Oakland to take on the Raiders, in what will be a battle between our own Monsters of the Midway and the team owned by the Crypt Keeper looking monstrosity that is Al Davis.
Pat - No offense, and no disrespect intended, but I think George Halas looks better than Mr. Davis right now, and Papa Bear has been gone for 18 years.
Carl - Who wins in a fight, a reanimated George Halas or Mike Ditka?
Pat - Wow.  Wow.  This is a question for the ages.
Bill - I'm flummoxed by this proposed battle.
Todd - This is simple really.  The only way these two would ever square off is if the other 31 teams in the NFL were to form an Evil Alliance to stomp out the Greatest Team known to man, Da Bears, and they lured the two Hall Of Fame Bears to an undisclosed location with lies and deceit.  So Iron Mike and Papa Bear would feign a fight until the opportune moment arose to turn their pent up aggression on the Evil Alliance, but their rage would not be stopped there.  Not only would they take out the ownership of the 31 teams that dared to tempt their fate by pitting two of Chicago's Gridiron Greats against each other, but they would travel back in time to take out all the past owners of the 31 faulty franchises.  Then back in the future, they would systematically destroy all current players on their rosters, then go back in time again and take out all players that played for them in the past.  Then return to the future to backhand slap any football fans that did not cheer for our beloved boys clad in the Navy and the Orange.
(Bill, Pat, and Carl all sit silently are stare at Todd)
All - Da Bears!

Bill - I'm really overwhelmed by the mere thought of that epic battle.  Could someone take the lead for the next prediction.
Pat - The Kansas City Chiefs come to town next and what do you say Carl?
Carl - I'm calling this a trap game for a certain team that plays in a certain city that inspired one of the greatest Blues song's ever recorded.
Todd - Hoochie Coochie Man?
Carl - No.
Todd - The Thrill is Gone?
Carl - Ah, no.
Todd - Whoomp There It Is?
Carl - Not the Blues, and no.  The song I refer to is of course, Sweet Home Chicago about the Great city of Chicago, in which the Greatest team ever assembled to play the great sport of football resides.
Bill - But why is this a trap game?
Carl - For after this Chiefs game our Bears travel to Denver to play the Bronco.  And after the vitriol the Denver fans heaped upon our Jay Cutler, I can see da Bear looking past the Chief towards their game in Mile High.
Pat - Makes sense.  Trap game.  What's your gut tell you about this game?
Todd - My gut tells me I ate 1 too many Italian Beefs.
Carl - And my gut tells me the Bears will be lucky to sneak past the K.C. Chiefs by a score of 136 to 15.
Pat - 15?  Our D may be a bit distracted...  with thoughts of broken Broncos in their head...
All - Bearsssss

Bill - Which takes us to the Bronco game.  And there is no way, and I mean no way, da Bears drop this game.  Our friends at Windy City Gridiron have given us the transcripts of all the vile venom that was spewed about when Mr. Cutler was traded to our fine team.  Bronco fans rarely had a nice thing to say, and some of the banter bordered on plain rude.  I'll call this, Bears 3,476 to 1.
Pat - 1?
Bill - It's akin to leaving a penny as a tip, the ultimate insult.  On the Bears final touchdown of the day, Robbie Gould will spin around and kick an extra point through the opposite goal posts giving the Broncos their lone point.
All - Daaaa Bears.

Bill - The final home game of the season brings the Seattle Seahawks to town in a rematch on last year's Divisional playoff game.
Carl - Remember the two touchdown rushing and two touchdown passing day that Midway Jay had in that game, I say he doubles that.  Bears win in a rout.  48-0
Bill - I think your math may be off, but moving along...  Da
All - Bears!

Bill - The Green Bay Packers get some coal in their stocking on Christmas day, when the 14-0 Chicago Bears show up to play in Lambeau Field.  Packer fans will have a blue Christmas in 2011.
Pat - But what a great Christmas present it is for us Bears fans. 
Todd - Last year Santa brought me a membership in the sausage of the month club.  It's the gift that keeps on giving.  Only it doesn't really give me enough, so I got myself a membership in the beer of the month club.  Da beer along with the sausage was a great start, but not, quite, enough.  So I found a jerky of the month club, and that helped fill in the snack portion of my day, then to top it off the pie of the month club provided a nice sweet goodnight.  However I don't get why these are called 'of the month clubs', they should be called 'of the day clubs', because I'd get my shipment of my treats in and they'd be consumed in one day.
Carl - I think there may be a marketing opportunity in there somewhere for you.
Pat - Todd's Various Foods and Beers of the Day Club.  You could be like the Anti-Weight Watchers, providing daily meals to people that actually taste good.
Bill - I like the idea, but I'd like to get your predictions for this game too.
Pat - Da Bears win 243 to 8
Carl - I call it Bears 472 Packers negative 16
Todd - Bears beat the Ghosts of Packers Past, Present, and Future by a combined score of 1,498 to 0
All - Da Bears!

Bill - We've finally come to the last game of the year and the Bears travel to whatever home the Vikings will be playing at in 2011.  It very well could be the Rollerdome, but it really doesn't matter.  I think we all know this game will be meaningless in the grand scheme of things, and for that reason the Bears will only win 28-14.
Carl - 28-14? 
Pat - I'm with Carl on this one, 28-14 seems a tad too close for Da Bear.
Bill - My friends, with the outcome of this contest having no impact on the #1 seed that Chicago will have locked up, the entire roster will stay home to rest up for the playoff opener.  In their place our beloved will send the 8 man practice squad to play the rival Vikes..  They'll need to play both ways and will be 3 men short at all times, but 8 Bears should be plenty to take down the Minnesotans.
Carl - Well when you put it that way 28-14 seems about right.
All - Da Bears!

Bill - There you have it folks, another 16-0 season for Da Bears, and I honestly don't see anyone giving them trouble in the playoffs.
Carl - It should be smooth sailing to the Super Bowl.
Pat - I can already see the ticker tape parade rolling along Michigan Avenue. 
Carl - Or how about a giant Bears rally at Grant Park?
Todd - Or hows about, wait a minute, just wait a minute...  I think we made it through an entire show witout a single heart attack...
(they all look at each other and nod in approval)
Bill - Then we better hurry and wrap this puppy up.  Thanks for stopping by everybody!  See ya next time on Bill Swerski's Superfans!
All - Da Bears!

Todd - (clutching his chest)  Um, Bill...  I think I spoke to soon...

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