Bears 41, Jaguars 3: The Best of the In-Game Threads

Mike Ehrmann - Getty Images

Bears 41, Jaguars 3: The Best of the In-Game Threads

The Jaguars' backup plan to stop #15 failed when the hitman hired to take him out with a sniper rifle ran into car trouble and only made it to the stadium at the end of the game.


This creates quite the mental image.
C-Razzle: I swear............IF I [Edit: Martzing] HEAR GANGNAM STYLE ONE MORE TIME!??!?!?!?!!???!?!!?
Cutler6fan8: What? I thought it was Gandalf Style…

Talking about one of those Aaron Rodgers adverts...
C-Razzle: Don't know if this is a guy or girl since Packers fans all look the same.
B.B.BH: Did you hear how deep the voice was? This is definitely a girl.,

WCG game commentary is far superior to "real" commentators.
lmfsilva: Steelers first drive: run nowhere, snap over the fatman, pass for one.

Tim Jennings missed a tackle or two...
C-Razzle: Pretend its still September, Tim.

With the Packers vying for a last-minute FG to tie their game, Bearsfan19 threatened to unleash the Gust Of Wind Gold Madden 04 card.
BEARSFAN19: Yes my 04 madden card worked!!!!

How to ruin a Bears fan's buzz.
bassist33: My brother is being the biggest ass right now. We got in a major fight the other day about how the Pack was better than the Bears. He kept saying, "you could only beat [Edit: dilfy] Colts, Rams, and Cowboys teams. Now I sent him a message saying “ouch” and he doesn’t want to speak to me ever again!
B.B.BH: Do you both share the same parents? Cause some of his genes are defective for being a pack fan

Marvel Comics called. They want to do a film.
torch: Is there a better name for a punter who booms 63 yard punts than Anger?
ES46NE10: Puntor, heroic master of punts

Just Dave was the biggest fan of the Bush signing.
chiguy8506: id like bush, marshall and hester to get some yards and td
Just Dave: I like bush too.

Do hamsters dream of Canadian defensive linemen?
DaHamsta: Izzy held
Just Dave: Isn't that your fondest dream?

Knowing thy enemy.
C-Razzle: Harrison Smith out for Vikes.
ES46NE10: stop making people up, you can't fool us

Wait'll we actually play the Vikings!
Bears-Cubs Bulls: screw the Packers and screw the Vikings
Robert Rence: I'm glad to be on the "relevant enough to be hated" team list again.

They didn't have much to cheer in the second half.
Cubfansince1957: A lot of fans there disguised as empty seats. Either that or the lines to the bathroom were REALLY long at halftime.

So that's why he throws them seemingly willy-nilly!
crackedcactus: News Flash: Lovie happy about nothing. Contemplates using a TO to express this.

If only we had someone who could photoshop...
B.B.BH: if Cutty is Linus, Marshall Is Blanket

That's like, Defcon 3 or something.
tfrabotta: I'm not sure what is gonig on with Carimi and his pass blocking but I am officially "Chris Williams " concerned.

Jay. Jay!
Sparky The Barbarian: Roughing on Jack
Just Dave: Been there. terrible hangover.

Not that we were being unbalanced on offense at that point, but we were.
Spongie: 28 29 passing plays and 14 runs, 6 minutes into Q3. That’s with a 5.5yd/carry average.
ES46NE10: Andy Reid is so proud right now you have no idea

A one-man smutfest!
Just Dave: Cutler tried to swing it to bush. Tee hee!

Old-fashioned courtship.
emdub: GODDAMNIT GABE Thanks for [Edit: Martz]ing us. Get it together.
Just Dave: He didn't even kiss us first.

The Nation didn't show up in a bad way!

runningman: Just ordered my J-Webb nation t-shirt
ES46NE10: i ordered one too. need to clean up the floor from the clogged up toilet

Where's SMD?
Fallen2far: If Cutler slaps Cairimi, he’s a hot head. If he doesn’t he’s a racist.

While everyone else was celebrating Tillman's pick-6...
Cubfansince1957: haven't seen it yet on my feed
B.B.BH: you need to stop living in the past
Cubfansince1957: Just cuz I'm waiting for Bobby Douglass to take over at QB for the Bears is no reason to get on my case.

By the looks of it, neither did Buffalo...
ES46NE10: I didn't even realize Buffalo and San Francisco were even playing a game

True, true...
tfrabotta: Their punter is awesome
DaBearsMTL: Well he does get a lot of practice...

Packers-Lions Centipede.
dsenchi: Good [Edit: dilf] Bush
B.B.BH: That would be nasty. Someone doesn’t know how to wipe.

Dude. Duuude.
dsenchi: My man Bush!!

That actually makes a lot of sense...
Cubfansince1957: God, another Aaron Rodgers commercial. Bite me with that stupid hand gesture.
B.B.BH: I have been thinking and I am sure he and Raji are hooking up. Think about it, the Imaginary belt he puts on is about the same size of Raji’s waist

That's fancy!
David in Maine: Hester!! Shaken up though….
bassist33: I think he had dirt in his eye
Spongie: RUB SOME MOAR DIRT ON- oh. Never mind.
Ditka's Stache: sand in the eyes
torch: Looked like he landed on his eye!
bassist33: His eye fell out and they had to put it back in!
torch: Complete aside, I knew my college graduation was a big deal because my grandpa both his teeth AND his eye in!
bassist33: Woah! Talk about dressing up!

It's funny 'cos it could be true!
T.Moore: Hester trying to force it
Just Dave: I'm not sure what he was trying to do. I’m not sure he was either.
T.Moore: Must...Be...Rediculous...Again!

We have a whole month of this? ROCK.
Spongie: Why are the screens in the stadium flashing up images of women in bikinis? Is it to distract the fans from their team’s performance in the second half?
Ditka's Stache: Breast awareness month
Spongie: Oh, yeah. And, um, that’s why there have been cheerleaders as Den pics for most of the past week.

Bad leader lover.
David in Maine: @The_Heckler: Breaking analysis from ESPN: “Yeah, the Bears won, but did you see Cutler refuse to make out with Tice at the end of the game?”

Pick sixes should count for more.
ES46NE10: For some reason it looks like Gabbert comes out with a -37.7 passer rating, which I would totally believe.

Zing!
DaHamsta: Complete dominance. Can we just skip the first half of games?
Brendan Hess: The offense already does. Zing!

iPhone 8 reportedly to come with shoulder bump facility.
ECD: my iPhone pretended to be Jay Cutler and refused to cooperate with me

Heh.
Steven Schweickert: Only Devin Hester can poke himself in the eye on a 39-yard diving catch.

And the best from a few fake twitter accounts...

@NotJayCutler
- In honor of breast cancer awareness, I will sign one set of tits for every point we score.
- I was going to name my son Blaine but he's a boy.
- Takes a nap between plays. #CuttyDoesIt
- Whatever, I broke Johnny Unitas' record for slaying pussy.

@CoachLovieSmith
- Afternoon games give me time to drink away my hangovers.
- Packers' BJ Raji is being carted to the locker room with what looks like decades of high blood pressure.
- Davis caught a ball! And he was standing! Next week we will get him to catch one while running.
- We are just trying to showcase Davis's breakaway speed.
- Jay Cutler can read coverage better than any QB in the NFL. He just doesn't give a [Edit: dilf].
- Hester needs to start running vertically.... That's the up-and-down and long way.
- I was clarifying in case he reads that.
- Are we even allowed to throw more passes to Brandon Marshall?
- Jacksonville is handing out TDs like Oprah. "You get a touchdown!"

@FauxJohnMadden
- Eva Longoria says she's not pregnant with Mark Sanchez's baby. This is just another open receiver Sanchez somehow missed.
- REPORT: Roger Goodell's approval rating takes another major hit for allowing Cardinals-Rams to be aired in prime-time tonight.
- With his 11th straight incompletion, Sam Bradford has just unlocked the "Tim Tebow achievement"
- Jay Cutler is yelling at the Cardinals O-Line
- EXCLUSIVE: Footage of JaMarcus Russell dancing at the club last night. http://bit.ly/ThGbCE
- The Giants tend to play down to their competition, which explains why they look like a team from the Big 10 today.
- BREAKING: First look at Mike Vick's new sponsor - http://bit.ly/Ro1iPB
- Matt Cassel injured, Ravens defense praying he's ok.
- Kirk Cousins picked off twice in last two minutes of game, shows he's learned a lot from Rex Grossman.
- Mason Crosby with the Discount Double Shank
- Rushing Yards Update: Matt Cassel 14, Joe Flacco 14, Chris Johnson 12, Matt Hasselbeck 10, Peyton Manning 9
- "Alright Sean, you saw Brees break the record, let's escort you out of here." - Roger Goodell to Sean Payton
- Leave it to Norv Turner to figure out how to make the Saints defense look competent.
- Norv Turner becomes first coach in NFL History to be outcoached by an interim interim Head Coach.
- 45 kids just got a lesson from their dad, Antonio Cromartie, on how not to cover a tight end.
- Jon Gruden: "The Jets need to find something they're good at." .. They're great at punting?
- Take it back.. they can't even punt.
- Mark Sanchez touchdown pass. Stock up on canned food and bottled water. #2012
- The Jets offense found a new play to gain yards.. Have Mark Sanchez fumble to a teammate!
- Jon Gruden just complimented Mark Sanchez. He officially loves every player in the NFL.
- Ok, new play design for the Jets.. have Mark Sanchez put the ball on a tee and kick it at Joe McKnight.
- Antonio Cromartie has defended Andre Johnson so closely tonight, Andre Johnson is now pregnant.
- Billy Cundiff kicked to the curb by the Redskins, which was more accurate than any of Cundiff's kicks.


No Bears game this week so I imagine on Sunday we'll be pro-Texans, rooting for Washington (possibly with Rex at the helm), and wishing for a meteor to land on the Lions-Eagles matchup.

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