The Best of the Bears-Vikings In-Game Threads

USA TODAY Sports

Alshon Jeffery picked an odd time to show off his pimp walk...

Ugh. As if the team's performance wasn't bad enough, the game threads were ugly. Fortunately I took a leaf from Just Dave's advice and kind of zenned my way through, bypassing the arguments, the whining about refereeing, and the unfunny, uncreative, repetitive attempts at nicknames by Shuggs every time Marshall got the ball. As you can imagine, with 100-odd receptions on the season, that's become tiresome... at least 70 martzing receptions ago. Incidentally, this is a really useful tool...

There wasn't much fun to be had - at least, I wasn't enjoying it - and with the Den keeping me busy I'm really not sure if the cost-benefit ratio of these posts is worth it any more, but here's what I got from Sunday.

Touche.
Dils: This defense has to get off the martzin field
BOBdaBEAR: They did, or was that not what you had in mind?

I'm almost sorry that I missed it. Almost.
Kay Paradiso: Bates looks like less of a perv without the moustache.

We're not in San Fran!
BearNecessities: forward martzing progess my ass

Me neither...
Maelvampyre: if that’s a haiku / Virginia’s a pole dancer / i’m salivating
David in Maine: Now that's an image I didn't need in my head….

This is how you slip one in.
CurtisEnisFan: 2nd time Conte's received AP's stiffy. Looks to be really enjoying it.

And sold.
MidWayMonster54: Ummmm Meltons back in the game fellas ......
Maelvampyre: they rubbed some dirt on it

And you'd have to touch his manboobs, too.
Bear Naked: jeezus. i would NOT like to be tony siragusa's shirt right now. he looked like he was gonna have a heat stroke.

Decisions, decisions.
B.B.BH: Can we trade Kellen Davis for a couple of towels and a waterboy
gafferland: Yes, but we'll have to wash the towels ourselves.

o_O
punchinjudy: it'd be nice if the O can have more than a 50 second possesion
gafferland: Can you imagine being Patriots fans? Once you got used to your own smell it would be pretty sweet

Oh mah gawwwd, this sounds sweet!
Bear Naked: in a world.... where running north seems to be the ONLY logical way to go... devin hester… kick returner that DOESN’T play by the rules ... in LATERAL COLLISION, coming to a theater near you

Update: A few from Detroit-Green Bay...

bradleyjp
: What's the best way for this game to end?
Beer Down!
: 3-0 Lions. Rodgers goes 3-47, throwing 4 picks and fumbling 3 times.Matthews, comforting Rodgers, gets discount double checked in an awkward sideline injury that puts his right arm in a cast and he is out for the season. The predator never looks the same with his right arm hanging noticeably lower than his left. Ryan Grant runs for 42 yards on 27 carries, decides unemployment was better. Dietrich-Smith plays scared, and rightfully so. Donald Driver gets hypnotized pregame and ends up thinking he is a duck and waddles to his position throughout the game. AJ Hawk has to spend his time leaving breadcrumbs to get Driver to the right spot. McCarthy quits.
-
Beer Down!
: GB fans blame the refs, weather, and rightfully (for once) say their team gave the game away
-
Beer Down!
: Ndmaomafoihjg Who’s 27th girlfriend storms the stadium and takes a billyclub (harding style) to his knee for neglecting child support payments. Team implodes, stating how selfish Ndmaooishjrg Who is, and figths with itself. Stafford finds Jesus and moves to NY to follow Tebow in all his gloriousness. Megatron has an alright game, but doesn’t find the endzone. Titus Young is found sane for having disagreement with this team, and is asked back next season. Aaron Berry watches all this from his jail cell and has a good laugh. Jason Hanson thanks his lucky stars all he has to do is kick the ball. Gym Shorts head explodes.
-
Beer Down!
: PoD becomes incredibly optimistic and starts looking at how if every team loses 5 more times this season, they still can make the playoffs.

Geo4MVP
: Do you go for physical therapy for your back pain?
Robert Rence
: Yes. I drink some rum, I take some ibuprofin, I lie down in bed and wait for it to stop hurting.

David in Maine
: Crosby time....
David in Maine
: Damn, he made it....
Robert Rence
: Made it... Wide right? Wide left?
BOBdaBEAR
: Wide middle.

Larry Mayer was keeping things going in his ChicagoBears.com game blog:

- It's supposed to snow 6-9 inches today here in Minneapolis. Of course, the conditions inside the Metrodome will be perfect, unless of course the roof caves in. Here's hoping this remains an indoor game.
- Well, mark it down as 11:02 a.m. for the first time they played that obnoxious horn here at the Metrodome. They did it because four or five Vikings jogged on the field. Woo hoo!

Comment From Bears4Life: Larry, I have a spanish final on Monday night, any advice?
Larry Mayer: Watch as many game shows on Telemundo as possible.

Comment From mike: Larry, do you have carpotunnel?
Larry Mayer: No, I have a Honda.

- Thanks for the questions everyone! I'm going to head down to the field to see what I can see and will report back when I return to the press box.
- I've returned to the press box and we're a few minutes away from kickoff. Other than the great view from the press box, this place is a dump!
(After the internet went out for a while at the Metrodome, during which time AP scored his two TDs...)
- Well, I've good news and bad news! The good news is that my internet connection has been restored and the bad news is that ... my internet connection has been restored.
- Brandon Marshall comes through again, picking up a first down while surrounded by three Vikings defenders, members of the pep band, a few cheerleaders, some security guards and Ragnar.
- Kellen Davis drops another pass, not exactly breaking news.


A quick roundup of fake twitter accounts...

@CoachLovieSmith
- Pretty sure every player on our roster touched AP on that play. Which is an XBox Live achievement.
- Stupid Vikings tackled Hester before he took 8 yards off that return.
- At least Arizona is still on the schedule. Even Steltz could intercept whichever bus driver is playing QB for the Cardinals.
- Now Robbie is on IR!? I have got to move practice off of that Indian burial ground.

@fauxjohnmadden
- Jets poised to sign WR Braylon Edwards, giving the Jets another player to tackle defenders who intercept passes from Mark Sanchez
- NFL Power Rankings: 1) Patriots, 2) Broncos, 3) Texans .. 31) Notre Dame, 32) Alabama 33) Elf on the Shelf, T-35) Jaguars/Chiefs

Packers on Sunday. Oh, dilf.

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