If you passed the Quiz, we'd like you to close your eyes and imagine yourself up there next to Da Coach because you are a winner.
Hello friends, it is I, your humble host of Bill Swerski's Superfans... Bill Swerski. But today you may call me Mr. Swirski, or perhaps Dr. Swirski, as I am your resident professor of all things Navy and Orange. Earlier this week we were motivated to give out a Pop Quiz after hearing the heartwarming story of the Bears fan that had Charles "Peanut" Tillman sign her homework that had blasphemous anti-Bears context.
We were a little disappointed at the low attendance and participation to our Quiz, so if you failed to leave your answers in the comment section you automatically lose a letter grade. However, if you took the quiz in your head whilst reading said quiz, you may have your letter grade back. If you are a Packers fan, first off we're sorry, and second off you fail. The Quiz in it's entirety along with the answers after the jump.
1) Are you a Bears fan?
If you answered "Yes" to this question you received an automatic A+ on the Pop Quiz. Other answers accepted are ones that took a sarcastic shot at a Bears rival, or "Ditka".
2) Who is your favourite Chicago Bear?
This was a trick question. Ditka is an acceptable answer, but the keen eye may have spotted that we went with the UK/Canadian spelling for favo(u)rite. So any current or former Bears player that was born in the UK (Tim Shaw for example) or Canada (Israel Idonije comes to mind) would be accepted.
Also accepted any Chicago Bears player that played a game in the UK or Canada.
3) If Julius Peppers and Henry Melton combine to sack Aaron Rodgers, how much weight will come crashing down on the Packers QB?
Pretty much any witty remark would be worth full credit, but we were going for Peps weight (287lbs) + Meltons weight (295lbs) + the weight of two full sets of NFL equipment with is approximately (40lbs), then you factor in the "Force equals Mass times Acceleration" equation and wallah!
4) If Mike Singletary, Wilbur Marshall, and Otis Wilson all suited up one last time for the Chicago Bears and they faced off against the Detroit Lions at Ford Field, what would the final score be?
Any answer that showed the Lions being dismantled would be correct.
5) If Charles Tillman can punch the goalpost rat a tat style with 33 punches in 30 seconds, how many punches would he deliver in 30 minutes?
Another trick question, as the goal post would not be able to withstand the punching power of Charles Tillman for 30 seconds, let alone 30 minutes!
6) Gale Sayers once score 6 TDs in a single game, how many times did he score per minute?
6 TDs in 60 minutes of game time is 1 TD every 10 minutes. They aren't all trick questions!
7) If Todd is having his 4th heart attack, and he's eaten 10,278 sausages prior to that time, and the rate of heart attack frequency goes up by 5% after each heart attack. How many more sausages will he have to eat before heart attack number 5?
Actually we were hoping someone could answer this one for us, Todd's a real whiny pain in the ass when he's going into cardiac arrest and we'd all like to avoid being around him the next time he does.
8) Minneapolis is about 421 miles from Chicago. If a bus leaves from Minneapolis at 7am traveling to Chicago, and a bus leaves from Chicago at 5am traveling to Minneapolis, and both are traveling at 55 miles per hour. At what time will the buses pass each other.
The same time it takes a one legged grasshopper to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle.
9) Name the only person to be part of Chicago Bears championship teams as both a player and a head coach.
Ditka is the correct answer, but George Halas would have been accepted even though Papa Bear won his title as a player with the Chicago Staleys.
10) Theplay the Packers 4 times in two seasons. The Bears, being a much better team have a 100% chance of winning each game. What is the probability that the Bears win all four games? What is the probability that the Bears explosive offense will be held under 50 points in any game? What is the probability the Bears vaunted defense will even be scored upon?
This one is too easy, and if you got it wrong you should immediately slap your self. Seriously slap yourself right now...
Hopefully you all aced the Quiz like my fellow Superfans did, and as a programming note the next time you see us we'll be dropping by with our Annual Season Prediction Special.
Bear down my friends...