"...big enough to motorboat, once she got pregnant. Totally worth it, bro."
Bad gameplan, bad offensive line, bad quarterback, bad receivers. Good D, though. What did WCG make of it? The best after the jump.
Comedy week bonus: The Top Gear team do... garden landscaping. What could possibly go wrong?
Nothing was working offensively in the first half.
Llation: Lovie's new mantra: We get off the bus.
Aaaand that's your lot. Six regular season Dens alone take 12-15 hours out of my week and I wasn't about to waste time ploughing through several thousand comments moaning like PODers on the off-chance that there might be a needle in the haystack. Fortunately, someone had an idea...
Scribbles post, the next day
T.J. Shouse: Spongie should do a best of thread for this post rather than the game. this is way more entertaining. Last night was obnoxious.
Jolly good thinking! I also looked at the other game threads and a few favourite fake twitter accounts.
redwhiteandblack posted this pic of J-Webb presiding over his Nation...
redwhiteandblack: The beginning of the end????
dicksingletary: jwebb's face looks like The Rock taking a dump
That's old-school Bears football.
stepeo: If only we could play our defense for the whole game. We would have had a better chance to win this one
Well, they're free agents and I do believe there's a teachers' strike on right now?
Steven Schweickert: It was like every receiver took a receptions class with Rash Davis and Roy Williams.
T.J. Shouse: “Class here are your pencils… whoops, dropped them.”
Not Jay Cutler, obviously.
@NotJayCutler: Made a bet with Aaron Rodgers that if he loses he has to raise my kid.
@NotJayCutler: My halftime speech: "Bros. BROS."
@NotJayCutler: My QB rating is 8.6... inches.
@NotJayCutler: I won't apologize for my behavior Thursday night, but I will remind everyone that Jason Campbell is the alternative.
@NotJayCutler: To get out of practice tomorrow, I told Lovie that I'm Jewish.
@NotJayCutler: Eli Manning is trying so hard to be like me.
@NotJayCutler: I'd rather wear a mesh Speedo than one of those Seahawks uniforms.
Nor is this Lovie Smith.
CoachLovieSmith: Really? No flag for "Hand on Forte's [Edit: Terry Bradshaw's head]?"
CoachLovieSmith: I've seen porno endings that look like Clay Matthews' sack dance. I've also seen porno's named "Clay Matthews' Sack Dance."
CoachLovieSmith: I don't know what they are doing. It's as if they are running the ball first to open up the pass. I don't like it and I won't try it.
CoachLovieSmith: You think your fantasy team is getting screwed by Jay Cutler? You should see my reality team.
CoachLovieSmith: I wish that fake field goal play was 2 men so that Ray Lewis could double murder it.
CoachLovieSmith: Confession time, y'all. We just put a Marshall jersey on Roy Williams. Turns out it's WAY cheaper.
CoachLovieSmith: Bennett watched that pass. Then watched it get intercepted. Then watched Woodson lay there. Then watched him get up and run.
CoachLovieSmith: Cee Lo Green = BJ Raji's alter-ego.
CoachLovieSmith: From now on I would like to be known as the head coach of the Chicago Jennings. Tice can have the rest of the team.... I also call Peppers.
CoachLovieSmith: I'm starting to think Jay Cutler just really appreciates the warm embrace of another man.
CoachLovieSmith: I don't ever wanna see all our O-line's [Edit: dilf] all in one place. @ChiBearLover "do u think the offensive line can get their [Edit: dilf] together?"
CoachLovieSmith: For those of you who think I am a terrible coach: take a look at who didn't lose to the Cardinals this week.
You've probably worked out by now that this won't be the real John Madden, either.
@FauxJohnMadden: Clay Matthews Jr. is more harmful to Jay Cutler than refined sugar.
@FauxJohnMadden: Jermichael Finley is in playoff mode with that drop.
@FauxJohnMadden: Jay Cutler's QB rating tonight is Brandon Weeden
@FauxJohnMadden: The replacement ref Saints fan ruled that pick 6 as a touchback.
@FauxJohnMadden: To be fair to Eli Manning, the Bucs defensive backs have been open all day.
@FauxJohnMadden: "Ok.. Even we didn't see the Cardinals beating the Patriots." - The Mayans
@FauxJohnMadden: Eli Manning had 510 passing yards today, or what's also known as "a season" to Blaine Gabbert.
@FauxJohnMadden: Billy Cundiff can't hit from 32 so it's only natural to have him try it from 62
@FauxJohnMadden: Seems very fitting that the Niners defense handcuffed the Lions offense for most of the game tonight.
@FauxJohnMadden: Proud of Brandon Weeden for hitting the 30 yard rushing mark on the year before Chris Johnson did.
@FauxJohnMadden: Matt Ryan with 18 yards rushing.. he's closing in on Chris Johnson numbers!
@FauxJohnMadden: Michael Turner's breathalyzer results were higher than his yards per carry.
@FauxJohnMadden: NFL Power Rankings: 1) 49ers, 2) Texans, 3) Falcons.. 30) Browns, 31) Jaguars, 32) U. of Alabama, 33) A kid who plays Madden, 34) Raiders
@FauxJohnMadden: Replacement ref told LeSean McCoy, "I need you for my fantasy team" .. This sounds bad until you realize his other RB is Chris Johnson.
Soylent Green is... not that far in the future!
Jack's Elsewhere: 48 hour cooldown period for all the meatballs in the world.
T.J. Shouse: I do like my meatballs room temperature.
Jack's Elsewhere: They're easier to digest.
GtM: you are going to eat people? I mean we were talking about ppl right?
Jack's Elsewhere: That’s taboo now? Dang I’m on the wrong side of the century…
mattrsiu: Just wait for 2022 and you will be good to go with your dinner plans. Mmmmm… tasty green wafers!
49ers-Lions hadn't yet kicked off.
C-Razzle: 2 Lions players have been arrested already.
You mean it isn't?
Ditka's Stache: So that is what a reverse looks like
boydvv54: I thought it was designed to lose 8 yards.....
iowaBear: Can we invite psycho Lions fans in here just so we can watch Kev take out the BANHAMMER!?
Kev H: Do you hate me? Do you know how much work that actually becomes?
That's not a good thing, right?
David in Maine: There's one Int for Stafford.... no Lion near that pass
tfrabotta: It must be windy there!
JoeCB1991: That pick by Stafford was the worst one I have seen in a long time. Nobody anywhere near that pass besides the DB
tfrabotta: It was Henry Burris esque
Does he get to eat it as well, or just make it?
frenchbears113: That Niners O-Line makes me so jealous lol. Smith has all day to sit back there, make a sandwich, take a nap and THEN throw it.
bmbrock: what kind of sandwich?
David in Maine: I think it was a Roast Beef and Cheese....
frenchbears113: A reuben
Valhallen: one that takes really long to make. pb&j
bmbrock: those all sound delicious.
I feel the same way about orange milk.
bmbrock: for future reference I do not drink much, and when i do i just pick a random craft beer and try that so this may already be well known. but blueberry lager is a TERRIBLE idea.
Trolls suffer a penalty to their intelligence stat, but they can regenerate when banned.
(Rams troll): you guys looked terrible…how do you get you’re[sic] [Edit: dilf] together in a week?
Valhallen: playing the rams
iowaBear has a point.
Kev H: Hey guys, I don’t want to play the 49ers
iowaBear: Lucky for you and us you don’t have to! The Bears, on the other hand …
Almost certainly courtesy of David in Maine again.
@PeytonsHead: #MNF 1 more interception, then 500 yards it is! This is for you, little brother!
Wait'll you see what's next!
tfrabotta: Oh my. Peyton needs a 5 hr energy shot
Kev H: Or he needs to lay off the 2 million free pizzas.
And because we'll always have a place in our hearts for a certain partying neckbeard...
GentlemanJack: I saw Orton this past winter in Aspen. I’m a big dude and Orton looked huge standing next to me (and perhaps only slightly intoxicated)
Since it's comedy week, and there was discussion of Top Gear in last week's in-game threads, I thought it would be nice to finish off with a special the terrible trio filmed for a BBC charity event. They took on the role of landscape gardeners for former rower and five-time Olympic gold medallist Sir Steve Redgrave. The results were... well, keep in mind how nice (if featureless) his grounds were before Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May got to work...