Chicago Bears Black Friday "Specials"

Andrew Weber-USA TODAY Sports

Rock bottom prices on rock bottom performers!

Get your Black Friday Specials from the Chicago Bears! Phil Emery is cutting deals and cutting prices, and you can get the deal of the century on a "real" NFL player. Take a look at these steals and deals on the latest and greatest Chicago's favorite team has to offer...

First-Round Talent at Bottom-Round Prices!

Whether you're a 3-4 defense looking for a reclamation project or a 4-3 defense looking to fit a round peg into a square hole, you can't go wrong by getting your very own Shea McClellin. He's guaranteed to get at least one sack a season, and heck, he might even get lucky and get one in a divisional game!

You'll want to "rush" out for this deal, as Shea's liable to run out of the play at a moment's notice:

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Get your very own "99" for a sixth-rounder TODAY! You'll want to overpursue this deal - just like Shea overpursues this 65 yard touchdown run. All Sheas must go today, so don't delay!

Don't Look Twice on this Safety Steal - In Fact, Don't Look at All!

If you need a safety who can bring out the dirty laundry like none other, check out the bargain-basement prices on Chris Conte. No matter how bad the opposing quarterback is - and how bad the throw into the end zone - Chris Conte comes with a No-Look Guarantee: Mel Tucker personally guarantees that Conte will never turn his head around to look for the ball!

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Whether you're looking to give an opposing team a free touchdown, or just want to have a good excuse to throw things around the room, you can't go wrong with Chris Conte! No reasonable offers will be refused - conditional seventh-rounders, bags of footballs, even just a willingness to take his contract! Note: Tattoos not included in purchase.

Linebacker Deal of the Century - Buy One and Get Two Free!

In today's NFL, you need "outside the box" thinking to succeed. Get yourself not one, not two, but three linebackers who are so outside the box that they'll never make a play in the run game! There's no block too weak for them to get knocked out of a play by, and no play call so simple that they'll be able to execute it correctly! Just look at how well #59, Khaseem Greene, is able to run himself out of the play on this one!

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Pad your fantasy team's stats by having your players run against these linebackers, and you'll win every time. But wait, there's more! For the price of one linebacker, you'll not only get a full set of starting LBs, we'll throw in a a free injury bug to go with! That's right, our injury bug guarantees that all of your impact players will be getting surgery or on IR before Week 10 or we'll refund the total cost... even shipping! Don't delay, as these linebackers are going to move... right out of their gaps!

Get a "Bounce" in Your RB Play with Michael Bush

When you want to pull your Pro Bowl running back on the goal line, there's only one player in the NFL worth turning to: Michael Bush. Bush is a 1,000 yard back* who will make the play* every time. No linebacker will stop him,* and he'll make the big play even if someone blows the block* in front of him!

Just look at the "bounce" your run game can experience if you purchase a Michael Bush today!

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Note: Michael Bush never actually ran for 1,000 or more yards in a season, but he did have 977 in 2011 for the Raiders. Bush is guaranteed to make the play, however, play made may be by the opposing defense. Linebackers may in fact tackle Bush for a four-yard loss, and blown blocks by his offensive line will prevent Bush from scoring. Also, "bounce" your run game experiences may or may not be Bush bouncing onto the turf after getting dropped on first contact from a defender.

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