Here we are again with the next installment of Outrageously Premature Predictions. Today we'll be looking at the AFC East, a division that touts one legit contender, two "meh" teams and one group of individuals that have been brought together solely to provide laughter to anyone who follows the NFL. As was suggested in the previous post, I have ordered the teams by how I have them finishing within their division, starting with first place. With that being said, let's dive into this like the Magic School Bus in submarine mode. As always, feel free to comment with your thoughts, opinions, and random statements that are completely unrelated to anything.
New England Patriots: Tom Brady wil throw for fewer than 4,000 yards. I know that 4,000 seems like a lot and it wouldnt be too big of a stretch to predict this for other QBs, but this is Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr. that we're talking about. In the last 7 seasons (not counting the 2008 season in which he only played one game) he has only passed for fewer than 4,000 yards twice. This season will make it three times. His BFF Wes Welker has mile-high tailed it out of Foxborough, Gronk is likely going to be out for at least the first 6 games, Amendola has a history of not staying on the field with a variety of injuries, Hernandez won't be playing football except for maybe on his daily hour in the yard anytime soon,and nobody has even heard of whoever else he has to throw it to. Tom Brady is one of the best, but he'll take a step back this year.
Miami Dolphins: Mike Wallace will not be worth what they paid for him. Wallace is yet to have a season with 100 or more catches and only two of his four seasons have resulted in more than 1,000 receiving yards. Despite these facts the Dolphins paid big for the wide out to the tune of $60 million for 5 years and $38 million in the first 3 years. To put that in perspective, a certain WR by the name of Brandon Marshall is due to earn $28 million in the next 3 years of his contract. For those keeping track at home, that's TEN MILLION DOLLARS LESS!!!!!! Marshall, in his first four years, managed to reach 1,000 yards 3 times not to mention every year since then, while also collecting 100+ receptions 3 of his first 4 years as well as last year. If Brandon Marshall-level production costs $28 million for three years, there's no way in the name of Ditka that Wallace will be worth what he's getting paid, especially with the very real drop-off of QB talent from Big Ben to Ryan "My Wife Is More Famous Than I Am" Tannehill.
Buffalo Bills: EJ Manuel will have the best season of any rookie quarterback. Manuel is clearly the QB in this class that has the best shot at staring right away, which makes it very easy to make this prediction. Even so, I think he could actually have a pretty good year. He's got a pretty good WR, decent running game, and some defensive play makers on the other side of the ball. Of course, it is Buffalo so let's not expect too much, but he seems to have a good head on his shoulders and I'm rooting for him to do well.
New York Jets: Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez will be out the door by week ten. The Jets have their bye in week ten, and they have a real shot at going winless in weeks 1-9 with matchups against the Saints and Falcons as well as the Patriots twice. If this does happen, and even if they do get a couple wins, Ryan and The Sanchize will get the clown-sized boot. It remains to be seen whether Geno Smith can play at this level, but if he shows promise in preseason the big wigs may just gIve him the keys and hope to turn around what may be the longest and worst stretch of bad publicity that any team in recent history has endured.