Bill Swerski’s Superfans Predict the ’09 Bears

Bill - Welcome one and all, to this undisclosed location, as cigar smoking in an indoor place of business in Illinois is no longer legal.

Todd – And we like to smoke.

Bill – Yes we like to smoke. Today myself, Bill Swerski, your host, and my cohorts in Superfandom; Todd O'Connor,

Todd – Hello

Bill - Pat Arnold,

Pat – Hello, I’m Pat.

Bill – and Carl Wollarski,

Carl – and I’m Carl.

Bill – will be giving our predictions on the two thousand and nine season for our beloved soon to be Super Bowl Champs… Da Bears!

All – Da Bears!

Pat – Bill, I think the smart thing to do in the essence of saving time, thus assuring that we have a fair opportunity to enjoy this glorious spread provided to us buy our good friends at Ditka’s Restaurant; Da Coach

All – Da Coach!

Pat - just go ahead and give our boys in navy and orange a perfect 6-0 in the Division.

Bill – My Thoughts exactly.

Todd – Is there any doubt?

Carl – No doubt.

Pat – The Lions don’t win, the Packers have no Favre, and that other Adrian Peterson is good, but not good enough.

Bill – Well said Pat. 6-0 it is. That takes us to week 2 and the defending champs Steelers.

Todd – Ditka is from Pittsburgh.

Carl – Da Coach.

All – Da Coach.

Bill – The Steelers come to Chicago for the Bears home opener, and I see it Bears 21, Steelers 3.

Todd – If I may interject… I think if our new quarterback Jay Cutler would grow a moustache in honor of Ditka, the Bears will win 35-0.

Bill – Great point. We need to get on that.

Pat – I’ll have a word with Cutler.

Bill – You do that. Moving on. Week 3 in Seattle I see Matt Forte having a career day leading the Bears to a 38-3 win.

Carl – Agreed.

Bill – Week 6 we travel to Atlanta in what should be a revenge game after blowing last years game with 11 seconds left.

Todd – Who was that cornerback that let the Falcon receiver get behind him?

Pat – Who cares. If Ditka was on the sideline he would have cut him on the spot.

Bill – Right you are Pat. The way I see it, Bears win 31-3.

Todd – Bill, you do realize that game is immediately after the Bears bye week?

Bill – So it is Todd. Bears win 55-0.

All – Da Bears!

Bill – Next up at Cincinnati, to face former Bears Cedric Benson and Tank Johnson.
Carl – Allow me to take this one. Bears 42 Bengals 36253826.

Todd – What? Blasphemer!

Carl – Oh, sorry, that 36253826 isn’t the Bengal score, it’s the most recent Prison Number for their latest convict. Bears win in a shutout.

Pat – Makes perfect sense to me.

Bill – The Bears have a little 2 game homestand next; week 8 the Browns, week 9 the Cardinals.

Carl – Win and win.

All – Da Bears!

Bill – Next up is a game I like to call a "trap game", playing a Thursday night in San Fran, against the Mike Singletary led 49ers.

Todd – Takes a Bear to beat a Bear.

Pat – A moment of silence for Samurai Mike…

Bill – He isn’t dead you know?

Pat – He’s dead to me after putting on the red and gold of the Niners.

Bill – Right. Brian Urlacher will show up big time with a pick 6, a safety, and a TD off a FG fake, Bears win 25-0.

All – Da Bears!

Bill – Philadelphia next, and It’s always sad to see one of Chicago’s own go down, but Donovan McNabb will have a rough go of it, Bears win 29-7.

Carl – 7?

Bill – McNabb is a Chicago guy, he’ll luck into 1 TD.

Carl – Agreed.

Bill – Week 13 against the Ram. Thoughts?

Pat – St. Louis? They still play football over there?

Todd – Not really, Bears win 67-2.

Bill – Great prediction Todd. Our last game to predict is us at the Ravens.

Pat – Gentlemen, I think the Ravens have about as much of a chance as this Kielbasa lasting another 5 minutes.

All – No chance!

Carl – Or as much a chance as Todd avoiding another heart attack in the next week. 

 All – No chance!

Todd – Or as much chance as this Budweiser has in finding it’s way down my gullet.

Bill – Actually, that will happen. Bad analogy.

Todd – Oh, sorry, I wasn’t quite sure what we were doing.

Bill – So it’s safe to say a certain team, playing in a field that looks like a futuristic space ship landed in it, playing in front of the world’s greatest fans, a in certain hard as nails city, will go 16-0.

Pat – Yep.

Carl – Yep.

Todd – We're talking about Da Bears right?

Bill – Right.

Todd – Yep.

All – Da Bears!

Pat – Who will we be playing in the Super Bowl?

Bill – Does it matter? Let Mayor Daley know to clear Michigan Avenue for our victory parade and to book Grant Park for our championship rally.

All – DA BEARS!!!

This Fanpost was written by a Windy City Gridiron member and does not necessarily reflect the ideas or opinions of its staff or community.