Sports Illustrated took it upon themselves to grade every Super Bowl ever played using a standard letter grading system. The Chicago Bears' 46-10 thumping of the New England Patriots garnered an F, and that F angered "A certain Navy and Orange-clad group of men, that happen to cheer for that other Navy and Orange clad group of men, that play all home games in the greatest city on the planet. That city is of course Chicago, that second group of men is of course Da Bears, and that initial group of men that started us off on this little quote is of course us Superfans."
You can check out the entire SI list by clicking the link above. Then after the jump you can take a look at the Super Bowl grades as handed out by the Superfans. Bill Swerski and the gang you can take it away...
Bill - First off, we'd like to say thank you to the fine Windy City Gridiron folks for allowing us the forum to rebut the obviously biased S.I. S.B. story.
Carl - When I perused that story I nearly choked on my kielbasa.
Pat - I nearly spit up my beer.
Todd - What does S I S B spell?
Bill - It's good to see some things never change. But, I digress. Please allow me to allow you to paint a mental picture. The date: January 26, 1986. The place: New Orleans, Louisiana. The venue: The Louisiana Superdome. The Event: Super Bowl Twenty...
Pat - (interrupting) That's a beautiful picture you're painting.
Bill - It was the coronation of the greatest football team in the history of football led by one Iron Mike Ditka...
All - Da Coach!
Carl - Just thinking about SBXX brings a tear to my eye.
Todd - (irritated) OK. Enough with the spelling things out!
Bill - As I was saying... Da Coach led his team into battle that late Sunday afternoon, and it wasn't long before the Pats were flying a symbolic white flag. How fitting was it that the great 46 Defense...
Carl - (interrupting) ...as constructed by Buddy Ryan...
Pat - (interrupting) ...and featuring tree future Hall Of Famers...
Bill - (interrupting) ...and enough with the interrupting... Like I was saying... How fitting was it that the great 46 Defense added the final 2 points to the contest via a safety, bringing the Bears final score to a perfectly symmetrical 46 points?
Todd - Wait a minute, that's really eerie. 46 points to match the 46 Defense. Why didn't anyone tell me that before?
Bill - Perhaps we should get down to business and grade the Super Bowls, before we wear out our welcome with WCG. And please Todd not another spelling quip!
Todd - What's a quip?
Bill - With a well-deserved grade of an A+ we present to you the 1985 Chicago Bears.
Pat - It's really the only grade that makes sense.
Carl - Did any other game bring Chicagoans to tears? I think not.
Todd - Don't forget 2004 when brudder Bob had heart attack #7 watching the halftime wardrobe malfunction.
Bill - Bob was weeping tears of joy as the paramedics wheeled him out that night. And Todd, I'd like to thank you for the outstanding segue to the next Super Bowl on our list.
Pat - And Todd, don't even ask what "segue" means! Just google it!
Todd - What's google?
Bill - As per a request from one Bob Swerski, SB XXXVIII will receive an A from our distinguished panel of judges. Not only did it feature a very exciting 32-29 final score as the Patriots beat the Panthers, but it also featured the aforementioned nipple.
Pat - Can you say "nipple"?
Carl - Can you say "nipple"?
Todd - Hehehe... (whispers) nipple...
Bill - Back to business. Also receiving an A is SB XXXII. The Green Bay Packers losing to the Denver Broncos.
Pat - My two favorite teams are Da Bears and whom ever is playing the Packers. (Pat starts chuckling at his own joke)
Carl - Really? Really? You really think that bumper stickeresque joke is worthy of a self chuckle?
Todd - (shaking his head disapprovingly while looking at Pat) For shame...
Bill - Coming in with a solid B grade we have 4 Super Bowls; IV, VIII, IX, and XI, or for those that are Roman Numerically challenged, those are the four...
Pat - (interrupting) Or "IV". (Pat starts chuckling again)
Bill - The four Super Bowls in which the Minnesota Vikings lost.
Carl - It's always good to see the Vikes lose as well, although I'm not about to make a silly joke about it. (he glances at Pat)
Todd - (shaking his head disapprovingly while looking at Pat) Tsk, tsk, tsk...
Bill - We have one Super Bowl that is getting a slightly above average C+. It was a Super Bowl that started like no other, and one that ended in a disappointment like no other. Around these parts it's become known as that which shall not be named, so I shall not name it.
Todd - Are you talking about Super Bowl XLI in which our beloved Bears lost to the Colts?
Bill - Yes Todd. (Bill bows his head before looking up and yelling) Glasses up!
All - Da Bears!
Carl - (Carl pours a little beer on the floor) A little something in memory of Rex Grossman...
Pat - Rex isn't dead.
Carl - He's dead to me Pat... he's dead to me...
Bill - We'll now skip down to those games with the failing F grade, because all those not receiving an F received a C. And in the effort to preserve time, we'll not be running down all those average C-type games, so without any further adieu, here are the worst of the worst in chronological order. (Bill takes a long pause and sighs deeply...)
Pat - Bill?
Carl - Bill?
Todd - Are we done yet?
Bill - I'm good, I just needed a moment to compose myself. These games, in which I'll run down momentarily, just give me a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I think of them. So it's best to fly through them as quickly as Devin Hester takes it to the house.
Todd - Just like in that one Super Bowl!
Carl - Enough about 2006!
Bill - Here are the Super Bowls that deserve a failing F grade... I, II, VII, XXXI, and XLV.
Carl - I think you may have added an extra one in there? I do believe you were going with an anti-Packers type thingy and the Pack weren't involved in VII.
Bill - Very astute, my friend. But I've grown to have a strong dislike and disdain for those undefeated 1972 Dolphins.
Pat - Might I make a suggestion... I also have similar feelings for that particular team. (as he speaks the next sentence he's emphasizes the "D") I too have a Disdain and Dislike for the 1972 unDefeated Dolphins, so I'd like to have us change their grade to a D.
Bill - I could get on board with that.
Carl - I like your reasoning Pat.
Pat - And besides... (Pat starts to chuckle) They've really become D-Bags through the years...
Todd - Now that, is a joke worthy of a self chuckle...
So, that's our run-down of the Super Bowls... Whaddya think?