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While your regularly scheduled Chicago Bears report card giver, Sam Householder, is away on his Honeymoon (Congrats to you and your lovely bride by the way), we'll step up to the plate and deliver a Home Run worthy pinch hitting column of our very own grades.
Since we obviously don't have the kind of time to devote to delving into the game like our guy Sam -- there's far too much festive beer drinking and gluttonous food devouring to be consumed on a Sunday night following a Big Bears Win -- we'll have to rely on our combined 8,000 some odd years of Bears fandom to come to a consensus for our Bears' grades.
Your studious panel of Superfans will be, in alphabetical order, myself Bill Swerski, my brother Bob, Carl Wolorski, Pat Arnold, and Todd O'Connor. A special thanks to Bob and Carl for not big timing us after their national State Farm Insurance ads have taken the world by storm.
All us Superfans graded each aspect of the team, ala Sam's previous format, and we came to an average. We felt this was the most unbiased way to compile our grades.
So without no more further adieu, here are our grades for the Bears 31-30 ass-kicking of the Minnesota Vikings.
Quarterback: A++
We already know what you're saying, 'What about those two interceptions?', and to that we say, 3 tuddys trumps 2 picks every time, and then you factor in the cool factor Jay Cutler displayed in leading our beloved to another comeback win, and you get the rare double plus.
Running backs: A+
We were told this fancy West (edit) Trest Coast Offense would be a boon to our tailback Matt Forte, and with 30 touches for 161 yards it's proving to be the real deal. Forte's dual threat feats are causing us to harken back to another multi-talented back of yesteryear, the under-appreciated Neal Anderson. At some point this season Forte will surpass Anderson in both rushing yards and receiving yards for the franchise's storied history.
Receivers: A+
Brandon Marshall is just so good. You can chalk up yet another 100 yard receiving day for him, and some historical Bears fans may call blasphemy on us, but The Beast is already the greatest wide out to ever lace 'em up for the Monsters Of The Midway. He is, sorry.
Of the other receivers, Earl Bennett got in on the fun with a couple grabs, Alshon Jeffery had a sweet end around for 38 yards, and Joe Anderson had a good block that helped spring Forte for a good gainer.
Tight ends: A+++
Wow, the vaunted triple plus for the greatest tight end in Chicago Bears history next to the great Mike Ditka. We can imagine a time in the not so distant future, where our future quarterback is stepping up to the podium with a Martellus Bennett Black Unicorn caricature T-Shirt adorning his chiseled upper body, much like our current QB was spotted wearing Da Coach on his chest.
Offensive line: A+
Yes, our new Black and Blues Brothers allowed a sack, but they increased their average yards per carry up to an even 5 this week. That's winning football. Our two rookie linemen are really settling into a grove.
Offensive unit grade: A++
All those low grades pulled down the average for the entire unit to a mere A++, hopefully they can step up their game next week.
Defensive line: A+
Only getting one sack for the second week in a row isn't very monstrous, but we'll give a pass to the unit because they held the best back in the game today to an even hundred yards, but it took Adrian Peterson 26 carries to get even that much. This grade was an A, until we factored in the moving pregame dance from Stephen Paea. Todd was so moved that he ran head first into his living room wall.
He's fine by the way, although if he were concussed, I'm not sure we could tell.
Linebackers: A+
We know we expressed our pisstitude over the Bears issuing #50 to James Anderson in our expertly crafted WCG article titled, "Does James Anderson deserve to wear number 50?", but we reserve the right to change our minds. And so far after two games, Anderson is not only doing the #50 proud, but he's proving to be prolific as a pass defender. Then of course we still have Lance Briggs, he's awesome.
Cornerbacks: A++
Tim Jennings with another pick six for our D, and they held Christian Ponder to a whisker over 50% passing.
And did we mention that Charles Tillman saved a sideline reporter's life yesterday? What did you do on your Sunday?
Safeties: A+
Major Wright was laying the wood, and Chris Conte was doing his thing. We even had Craig Steltz get in on the action.
Defensive unit grade: A+
We know what you're thinking, that Tillman act of heroism should have been enough to get the double plus, but we have to be fair to the overall D, and we have certain standards that we must uphold. We owe it to the WCG readers, and we owe it to Sam
Special teams: A++
Were it not for the one lone shank by Adam Podlesh, and that inconceivable opening kick return for a TD, this grade would have been A+++, but as it is, Devin Hester's record setting kick return day was enough to keep the double plus in place. Blake Costanzo stripping the ball on that last Vikings kickoff was almost enough to push us back to the triple, but alas, fair is fair.
Coaching: A++
Offensively our boys in Navy and Orange kept up a good mix of run and pass to keep Minnesota off balance. Head Coach Marc Trestman may not be mustachioed, but his 2-0 start has him in some legendary company. His brilliantly timed challenge flag, that he won, is helping erase the memories of challenge flag miscues from his predecessor.
On defense, Mel Tucker had us blitzing just enough to keep Minnesota guessing. It was a fairly conservative approach on both sides of the ball, but that was needed with the sloppy conditions of Soldier Field.
Overall grade: A++
We're 2-0, we're in first place in the NFC North, and all is good in the world.
Bear down my friends.
Bear.
Down.
How do you grade the Bears win yesterday?