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The Superfans Present: We predict the Second Half

It's a somber mood at Mike Ditka's Restaurant as the Superfans gather to make some predictions for the second half of the Chicago Bears' season. Hopefully the fine eats and drinks will lighten their mood...

Jonathan Daniel

Earlier today the Superfans gathered at 100 East Chestnut St, in Chicago, Illinois to discuss the current state of the Chicago Bears.

Bill - Gentlemen and Ladies and Chicago Bears fans of all ages. We're sorry. We'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for putting the jinx on our Beloved.
Pat - The bad karma currently surrounding a certain team that resides in the unquestionably greatest city on the planet, nay the universe, is undoubtedly our fault.
Carl - The stinky stench of the three win first half of the season is like a dark plague that has descended from the heavens, sent down by all the Bear legendary greats; Papa Bear, Payton, Luckman, Piccolo, Sayers, O'Bradovich, et cetera, et cetera... Who are looking down upon us and wondering why in Ditka's name we half-assed our yearly prediction special.
Todd - I'm starving, when can we order?

Bill - We're taking our rightful penance for not breaking down each game in detail when we last visited you Windy City Gridiron readers in our "The Superfans Present: Mike Ditka's Cigar reaches iconic status, Even MORE Truths About Da Coach and our annual prediction special!"
Carl - We got all caught up in the Ditktacular Cigar announcement and in revealing even MORE Truths about one of the finest human beings that every lived, that we shortchanged you, our fans, when making our predictions. 
Pat - The Bad JuJu that we released into the cosmos with our time saving throw away predictions is our greatest failure as Bears fans.
Bill - You expect more from us and again, we're sorry.
Todd - I'm seriously ready for a Kick Ass Paddle Steak.

Bill - Just how bad has it been around here? So bad that long time WCG'er Les Wilsong is predicting our boys to only win two more games the rest of the season. That's just not right. 
Carl - It's an outrage.
Pat - I nearly shed a tear reading over his article.
Todd - Who's Les Wilsong?

Bill - Now it's time to turn those Navy and Orange hued frowns upside down my friends. We're here to correct the imbalance in the Bear Force.
Carl - It's time to squelch the karmic wrongdoings that have permeated the souls of the Monsters Of The Midway.
Pat - The evil hoodoo ends here and no longer shall I shed a tear.
Todd - Oh, I want to make a rhyme... We're here to right wrongs and to wear thongs!
Carl - (motioning to a server) Can we get some beer and food over here a-sap.

Bill - OK, here we go fellas, shake it off, shake it out and buck up. It's time for the Chicago Bears Second Half Prediction Special. I'm Bill Swerski, and these three elegantly dressed gentlemen, along with myself are your favorite WCG contributors, Da Superfans.
All - Da Superfans!!!

Bill - We'll just jump right into the week 10 match up in Green Bay against the Packer.  
Pat - What happened last year in Green Bay my friends?
Carl - A Bears victory.
Pat - Correct, we have won one straight in Wisconsin, and we will make it two in a row.
Todd - I predict the ghost of Josh McCown will bless our boys and lead them to a win!
Carl - Josh McCown isn't dead Todd.
Todd - Then where did he go?
Carl - He's in Tampa Bay.
Todd - Playing for the Bucs? Gross.
Bill - Back to the Pack and our Bears win in Cheeseland again!
All - Da Bears!!!

Bill - Next up we stay in the NFC North and host the Minnesota Vikings. What say you fellas?
Pat - We have yet to taste the sweet smell of a home win, so we are most certainly due. 
Carl - Hell, it's already snowing in Chicago, and it's only Halloween, so I predict Bear Weather is kicking in early this season. 
Pat - You can't fight the success of Bear Weather.
Todd - That's true my friend. Plus you have to consider that the Vikings are still the Vikings and that means they still suck.
Bill - Great point. Da Bears.
All - Da Bears!!!

Bill - The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are next to come calling.
Todd - Oh no, we have to face Josh McCown?
Bill - No. He's been benched. 
Todd - What? Wait a minute, what idiot would bench the great Josh McCown?
Pat - That would be Lovie Smith.
Todd - Lovie Smith is alive?
Bill - Alive and sucking now that he's away from the most tradition rich and iconic franchise in all of sports.
Pat - Have you seen those George Jetson uniforms the Bucs are wearing this year?
Carl - Just terrible. I did a quick google search to determine their team colors, and did you realize they list Red, Pewter, Black, Orange, Silver and White? That's like putting lipstick on a pig.
Pat - You can dress it up with all the fancy colors you want, but at the end of the day it's just a pig.
Todd - Mmmm.. Bacon...
Bill - Hows about a score guys?
Pat - Hows about 51-3. Da Bears.
All - Da Bears!!!

Bill - Next we travel to Detroit for a Thanksgiving day tilt.
Pat - I only have one question. Are we the early game or do we play late that day?
Bill - I believe we are the noonish game on that Thursday.
Pat - Well, in that case I call it Bears 49, Detroit 10.
Carl - So if was a late game you'd go against the Beloved?
Pat - No. But a later game on Thanksgiving would probably mean full bellies for our boys and a Bear with a full belly isn't nearly as ferocious, so it would then be good guys 48, bad guys 11.
All - Da Bears!!!

Bill - Week 14 and the Dallas Cowboys come to town. 
Carl - I predict this will be a tough game as the Cowboys' defense is coordinated by the ever-popular Rod Marnielli.
Todd - What?
Carl - No Todd, he's not dead.
Pat - I agree Carl, and that's why I predict a close defensive battle, led by a certain defensive tackle that formerly played in Dallas, and who formerly went by "Jay", but now goes by the more biblical moniker "Jeremiah", and that he will execute great vengeance on the Cowboy with wrathful rebukes and rack up about 6 or 7 sacks. I'm calling it Dallas 2 and us 24.
Bill - Wow, that is a close one.
All - Da Bears!!!

Bill - Is there anything more powerful than revenge?
Pat - Todd's bowels after a sausage, beer and White Castle bender?
Bill - Well, besides that?
Pat - Then no.
Bill - And that's exactly why the Bear will annihilate the New Orleans Saints when they visit Soldier Field on Monday Night, December 15th. They want revenge after dropping a squeaker to them last year.
All - Da Bears!!!

Bill - Detroit again up next in week 16, but this time at Sweet Home Chicago. 
Carl - The facts are that Detroit plays bad outside in the cold.
Pat - You can't argue with facts.
Bill - Plus you factor in the fact that we'll be wanting to ramp things up for our playoff push, and I see a blow out with our, now well oiled machine of an offense, dropping about 60 points on those kitty cats of Detroit. And our, now angry and aggressive defense, holding the Lion to the rare -3.
All - Da Bears!!!

Bill - Week 17 and a trip to Minnesota to pull our record to 11-5. Can we do it fellas?
Carl - Here's a quick stat for you. Did you realize the last time an Adrian Peterson-less Viking team defeated the Bears it was the 2005 season?
Pat - That was Kyle Orton's rookie year.
Todd - Wow, good old Captain Neckbeard. I sure do miss him. I'd like to propose a toast, in the memory of the late, great Kyle Orton...
Pat - Carl, aren't you gonna tell him that Orton still lives. 
Carl - He's in Buffalo. That's not exactly living.
All - To Orton!!! Da Bears!!!

Bill - As you can see, 11-5 is very doable as we traverse through the second half of this glorious NFL season. That should win us the NFC North and secure us a first round bye, then a win in the divisional round, followed by us hoisting the Halas Trophy after whipping whoever in the NFC Title game, with a Super Bowl victory awaiting us this February.
Pat - That's beautiful man... Dammit me and my leaky eyes...