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WCG Watchability Index Week 7: This Bears-less NFL weekend sucks

The NFL is less fun when the Bears aren't playing. We realize that all of the games this week suck. The question is how much do they suck?

Mike DiNovo-USA TODAY Sports

When the Bears don't play, you get a great opportunity to see teams you might not otherwise see play too often. Many times that turns out to be unpleasant.

Fundamentally, every game this week is bad, due to the lack of Chicago involved. Most of the good teams are on bye, too.

After a lot of research, we here at WCG discovered a new scale on which you can rank the badness of things.

The Ducassian Evaluation System

The premise of this system is simple. 1 Ducasse = 1 Unit of Bad.  The higher a game's Ducassian number is, the worse the game is.  Make sense?  You're right it does.

(Note: Vladimir Ducasse is likely a totally legit dude. He just looks so damn lost on the play in question that it's hard not to use him for this system. If this was four years ago, this would be the J'Marcian Evaluation System)

The picture in the table below highlights the example of 1 Ducasse. You'll see that anything he could theoretically do wrong in the world of blocking happens in this play. Get it? Got it? Good.  Let's get to it.

Week 7 Ducassian Values

Thursday, 7:25pm CST
Away Seattle Seahawks

Badness rating: 15 Ducasses

2 years ago this would have been an EPIC Thursday night game. Now we have two teams that are two games behind .500, and are way behind where they used to be. Sometimes they say your window shuts quickly. It seems like in the case of the 49ers, some guy came over, slammed it on your fingers, and then hammered some nails in to make sure that window never opens again.

Home San Francisco 49ers

Sunday, 8:30am CST
Away Buffalo Bills

Badness rating: 27 Ducasses

Jacksonville, you make sure never to change. On the heels of announcing they'll play in London for another five years, Jacksonville is dragging a doomed Buffalo team to make the trip.  Thankfully, you can only watch this game on Youtube, so the players' parents and maybe their aunts and uncles will watch.

Home Jacksonville Jaguars

Sunday, 12:00pm CST
Away Minnesota Vikings
Badness Rating: 73 Ducasses

Full disclosure: I dislike these teams immensely. Fortunately this game will only be on your tv if you're in all of those northern states no one cares about.
Away Detroit Lions

Sunday, 12:00pm CST
Away New Orleans Saints

Badness Rating: 20 Ducasses

The Saints are coming off a big divisional win against the Falcons. The Colts maintain a tenuous hold on the AFC South. Either way, we all lose.

Home Indianapolis Colts

Sunday, 12:00pm CST
Away Pittsburgh Steelers

Badness Rating: 45 Ducasses

The Chiefs suck. The Chiefs suck so bad that the Bears beat them. Pittsburgh's not great either. So ugh. Just ugh.

Home Kansas City Chiefs

Sunday, 12:00pm CST
Away Houston Texans

Badness Rating: 29 Ducasses

The Dolphins fired Philbin and immediately got better. So that's a thing.

More importantly, Bill O'Brien looks like if you crossed late 90s VIncent D'onofrio with Hank Hill.

Home Miami Dolphins

Sunday, 12:00pm CST
Away New York Jets

Badness Rating: 18 Ducasses

The Patriots will win this game. If you think otherwise you're nuts. That said, I think the Jets give them more of a run than they are expecting.

Home New England Patriots

Sunday, 12:00pm CST
Away Cleveland Browns

Badness Rating: 83 Ducasses

Oy. Oh boy. No thanks. Just, no. I don't want to. You can't make me.

A brief list of things better than this: sprained ankles, spilling sauce on your tie, that feeling like you didn't shut and lock the door when you left the house.

Home St. Louis Rams

Sunday, 12:00pm CST
Away Atlanta Falcons

Badness Rating: 26 Ducasses

The Falcons are going to want to make someone pay for what happened against New Orleans. Here's where the Titans come in.

Home Tennessee Titans

Sunday, 12:00pm CST
Away Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Badness Rating: 118 Ducasses

In the comments, let's play a game where we all decide what excuse Jay Gruden will make for Kirk Cousins after he throws 3 picks against Lovie's zone defense.

Home Washington

Sunday, 3:05pm CST
Away Oakland Raiders

Badness Rating: 46 Ducasses

The battle for the middle of the AFC West. Exciting stuff, right? No. It's not. Rivers will have an 88 passer rating and we'll all take a nap during the 3rd quarter.

Home San Diego Chargers

Sunday, 3:25pm CST
Away Dallas Giants

Badness Rating: 33 Ducasses

This would be a lower rating if Tony Romo was around.  As conditioned, it's not great.

Also, I switched the names of these two teams around just to see if anyone actually reads the things I write on the side here.

Home New York Cowboys

Sunday, 7:30pm CST
Away Philadelphia Eagles

Badness Rating: 9 Ducasses

This, I think, is legitimately the game of the week, which is crazy because it's in the prime slot. So, Panthers by 13.

Home Carolina Panthers

Monday, 7:30pm CST
Away Baltimore Ravens

Badness Rating: 34 Ducasses

The Ravens are bad now. The Cardinals are generally pretty good. This is the kind of Monday night game that will bore you by q2, and by golly, there's no awesome Force Awakens trailer to save this one.

Home Arizona Cardinals