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WCG Watchability Index: 2015 Week 5 - One full weekend of UGH

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This week just really doesn't hold a lot for those who want to see some really good games.

Not sure why I keep mocking Bill O'Brien, but I think it's because of Hard Knocks.
Not sure why I keep mocking Bill O'Brien, but I think it's because of Hard Knocks.
Jason Getz-USA TODAY Sports

Eesh, it's almost as if the NFL wants to make sure we focus on baseball this weekend.

As many of you are aware, the Chicago Cubs have made the playoffs for the first time since 2008 and have a team that even  has a chance of not getting swept out, but of course they play the Cardinals because that's how life is.

I live nearly directly between Saint Louis and Chicago, and I have to say, at the risk of alienating a lot of you, that I'm 100% team Cubs. This also explain why I care so little for most of these tire fires in waiting.

That said, the NFL has some real crapfests scheduled for us this week. Let's get on to it already.

This week's rating scale

This week, we're using movies set in Chicago.

FERRIS12
T3
This is Ferris Bueller's Day Off. If you don't like this movie, I find it likely that it would be difficult for us to be friends. This is a shot from Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon. Not to be confused with Transformers, or Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, or Transformers 4: Mark Wahlberg is an engineering genius

Quite clearly, if you get a Ferris, it means I want to watch your game. If you get a Transformers, it means I'll watch your game once but I'm probably going to be pretty mad about it afterwards

This week's games

Indianapolis at Houston
Thursday, 7:25pm CST
T3

Indianapolis is bad right now. As of this writing, Hasselbeck was still expected to start, and Houston is bad also. They will theoretically start someone at quarterback, and that person is guaranteed to be bad, too.

Oh, and I always try to get a cheap shot about Bill O'Brien in. Bill O'Brien seems like the guy at the college bar who clearly shouldn't be at the college bar, but he gets drunk and then hits on the girls while winking and telling stories about how much he used to party.

Washington at Atlanta
Sunday, 12:00pm CST
T3

Washington sits at 2-2. Atlanta at 4-0. Matt Ryan will end up quarterbacking the Falcons to a reasonable 5-0 because he has Julio Jones and Washington only has broken dreams and the scorn of a significant segment of the country.

Cleveland at Baltimore
Sunday, 12:00pm CST
T3

Baltimore will do enough things to lose this game, yet they will win because the Browns will out-Browns Baltimore and invent another unique way to lose a football game.

Seattle at Cincinnati
Sunday, 12:00pm CST
FERRIS12

A lot of people (well, at least the one article I saw) are pegging this as Cincinnati's first loss, but I don't see it. Seattle often doesn't travel well, and the Bengals offense is rolling right now. Bengals stay undefeated this weekend.

Chicago at Kansas City
Sunday, 12:00pm CST
FERRIS12

Bears win by 10+ points.

Saint Louis at Green Bay
Sunday, 12:00pm CST
FERRIS12

St. Louis' offense can't run with the Packers offense, but I think their D can frustrate the Packers a little bit. Also, I think that Rodgers will get sacked several times, and this is typically a very enjoyable thing to watch.

New Orleans at Philadelphia
Sunday, 12:00pm CST
T3

Each of these teams has one win, and honestly I wouldn't even be surprised if they came out of it 1-3-1. That said, I'd skip it and watch the Bears game. If that's not an option, I'd watch a different game. if this is your only option, I'd maybe take the three hours for some quiet reflection on why you live in a place that would force this game on you.

Jacksonville at Tampa Bay
Sunday, 12:00pm CST
T3

Oh, snap, I take it back. If you're watching this game, you either live in the absolute wrong part of the country or you're actively engaged in a campaign to make yourself hate football.

Buffalo at Tennessee
Sunday, 12:00pm CST
T3

As I write this, my mind is becoming numb, because of this 3rd in a terrible series of matchups. These teams suck. This game will suck. Rex Ryan will Rex Ryan something with the offense and after blitzing 30 times the Bills will lose because they couldn't figure out how to flummox a rookie quarterback.

Arizona at Detroit
Sunday, 3:05 CST
T3

I gave this a Transformers, because I think it will be dull. However, it could deal with a Ferris because watching the Lions lose is usually pretty fun. However, the national game is New England at Dallas so you're probably not even going to be seeing this anyways.

New England at Dallas
Sunday, 3:25pm CST
FERRIS12

This should be a fun game, despite the fact that New England will win by 3 touchdowns, because while they're easy to hate, they usually execute football like they're made of Norse demi-gods.

Denver at Oakland
Sunday, 3:25pm CST
FERRIS12

I like Oakland, and I think they'll generate some pressure on the Broncos. Not sure if they can withstand the Broncos fast defense, but it should at least be enjoyable.

San Francisco at New York Giants
Sunday, 7:30pm CST
T3

Two bad teams doing bad things while Cris Collinsworth raves about Odell Beckham, Jr. for 3 hours, because any wide receiver is automatically awesome and any bad plays on their part are the result of Eli Manning (even if their quarterback isn't Eli Manning)

Pittsburgh at San Diego
Monday, 7:30pm CST
T3

Pittsburgh will win this game, because that's how San Diego does their business.