1. Well, Jason, I hope that was fun.
In case you hadn't heard, Jason Pierre-Paul, defensive end of the New York Football Giants, injured his hand over the weekend during a fireworks accident. It's all fun and games until you blow your hand up. While reports seem to indicate that he's not in danger of losing his hand or anything, it seems there could be some nerve damage.
This is, of course, while Pierre-Paul was waiting to sign a nearly $15M franchise tag tender - which the Giants could just pull if they wanted. He, of course, was looking to sign a longer-term, higher guarantee deal before the deadline in 9 days, but this could theoretically jeopardize that.
He was reported to have a U-Haul full of fireworks - which now might have cost a lot of money. There appears to be no truth to the rumor I just started, it was mostly just these:
2. SOMEONE ON THE PACKERS DID SOMETHING DUMB
These guys just aren't in the news enough.
Tight End Andrew Quarless, who has a career 10 receptions on 20 targets for 80 yards and a TD against the Bears, was arrested for firing a gun in public Saturday morning in Miami. My current favorite part of the story:
Quarless was alleged to be attempting to hide the gun in a potted plant near a local tavern. Police matched rounds from the gun to those found near the parking garage.
No injuries were reported, but just imagine the conversation when they walked up to him while he was digging in the planter. Good times.
3. Yeah, sure Dwayne. Whatever.
According to Dwayne Bowe, he plans to be the new Josh Gordon for Cleveland. I'm not sure who he expects to be throwing him the ball, however, it's not like Josh Gordon ever really had a guy, either.
4. Welp, the Raiders are still doomed.
Mike Tice sees promise in them. Specifically, the offensive line. Specifically, the offensive line that J'Marcus Webb could a part of. Specifically, the J'Marcus Webb that has had to be told, by MIKE TICE, to buck up, show that it means something, and match opponents' intensity. So, this should be pretty enjoyable, y'all.
5. Brady > Rodgers
At least, according to Sports Illustrated. Y'know, the magazine that puts out the issue full of women in bikinis.
No player of this era has done more with less. Talk to coaches around the league, and they'll tell you that however much command you think Brady has over that offense, triple it, and that's about the actual amount.
Which is probably true. It'd be a toss-up for me to pick one of the two for a one-game must have. I know I wouldn't want Matt Cassel, who was ranked dead last.
6. Does anyone want to play defense for the Cowboys?
First, Greg Hardy goes and gets his big suspension. And now Rolando McClain will be out for a while.
McClain received a four-game suspension last week for violation of the substance abuse policy. Which begs the question - how awesome must the drugs he's been doing be?
On a serious note, if you or someone you care about is dealing with addiction or abuse individuals, please seek out help. It's not something you have to go at alone.
7. A reason to care about the supplemental draft?
Did you know there's an extra baby-draft in July? Well there is, and the league doesn't care about it, as Dan Kadar of Mocking the Draft notes. Except that they might this year. But probably won't.
You can read more about it here, but basically, it's fringe players who would have gone undrafted in the regular draft getting drafted and then likely not making squads.
8. THE AMERICAN FOOTBALL TEAM IS THE BEST FOOTBALL TEAM. HOPEFULLY. MAYBE BY DEFAULT, BUT STILL.
The International Federation of American Football has their World Championship coming up this weekend, and the USA will be pressed into action.
Yes this is a real thing. You know those guys who play college ball, and you're like "Man, he's pretty good, but he's not NFL or D1 material." This is those guys, and they're taking on teams all over the world.
9. Kevin White has hit baller status, and it's super annoying to this Kevin.
The most surprising thing that's happen to me this far is going out to eat for free. I didn't expect this restaurant to give it to me for free. I gave them my card, and they said "it's on us." So that was a good feeling.
HE JUST SIGNED A GIGANTIC DEAL. STOP GIVING HIM FREE STUFF
10. Hey, y'all wanna see the media make stuff up out of things that don't matter?
*cue junior high gossip voice*
*end junior high gossip voice*
I get it, man. The NFL offseason is hard on everyone. I was going to do Eleven Thoughts on the NFL today just so I could make a Spinal Tap reference, but it was too tough to come up with 10 thoughts, because I didn't want half of them to be "this dumbass got suspended for drugs."
But at least try, you guys. Try.
Non-NFL thought, hence it's left out of numbering.
And heartbreaking for the Japanese goalies, but who cares because