The NFC North, long nicknamed the Black and Blue division for its ground-and-pound running game and ruthless defenses (shout out to the old NFC Central, y'all) , has become a division with all four teams having a quarterback who can air it out with the best of them.
For the purposes of this exercise, we decided to try and rank the NFC Quarterbacks in a number of categories.
1- Overall talent
2- Give him the ball in the final drive of the game
3- Best hair
4- Best person
5- Most likeable
Man, that's a lot of categories... Better get to work.
1- Aaron Rodgers: This guy is the best pure-play quarterback of the group. He's got a skill set that among the best in the entire league, and a focus that rivals Tom Brady.
2- Jay Cutler: If you combined mental capacity and physical aptitude, Jay Cutler is a rare gem. He's athletic as all get out, has the ability to put the football in impossible places, and every single OC that's ever worked with him has said he was the smartest football player they ever saw. What keeps him out of the #1 spot is that he also takes chances that he shouldn't.
3- Matthew Stafford: We started to put him at the bottom of this list, because Teddy Bridgewater is likely the better QB of the two, but Teddy still has a couple more seasons to go. Stafford is a pretty average quarterback who can flash every now and then, but isn't a guy that's going to lead you to the Promise Land.
4- Teddy Bridgewater: We would say he's the heir-apparent in Minnesota, but there wasn't really a QB before him to pass the torch. Actually, the Vikings have been running an offense without a QB since Fran Tarkenton retired, so I guess Teddy is the heir-apparent to him?
1- Aaron Rodgers: The guy never cracks under pressure, and has a career QB Rating of 200 in the 4th quarter of games when behind. His is so good under pressure that it makes him incredibly hateable.
2- Jay Cutler: BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR MIND GO LOOK AT THE STATS. Cutler had all of ONE season where he had a few red zone interceptions, and I think that was like 2009 or 2010 or something. Since then he's cleaned up his under-pressure act and has become quite comfortable in two minute drills. He ain't the best, but if his mind is right he can make good choices.
3- Teddy Bridgewater: I don't know much about him in the clutch, but Matt Stafford sucks so Teddy gets the nod.
4- Matthew Stafford: Seriously, he's probably really bad under pressure, and when he's not throwing game-ending interceptions, he's taking a sack for a loss with the inability to stop the clock.
1- Jay Cutler: He's got that gal from TV that he got engaged to twice and married once, and she has done wonders for his hair. Seriously, look at the new Cutty versus the old:
2-4: Everybody else. It really doesn't matter.
1- Jay Cutler: He spends time visiting children in hospitals, and making mission trips to impoverished countries. And he does it all under the radar and gets pissed when people find out about it and puts it in the press. He doesn't do endorsements, and spends every single offseason trying to use his resources to help others. People paint him as a selfish a-hole, but for the folks that actually know him, know the real Cutty. And the real Cutty is just a real good dude.
2- Teddy Bridgewater: He has a genuine smile, like someone you could trust your kids around. He seems like a sweet kid who will probably do really great things in his community one day. He should use Cutler as his Best Person role model.
3- Matthew Stafford: Stafford is a grown up man-child, who probably will stay a frat bro for the rest of his life. I don't know what he does in his spare time, but it is probably all night keggers, beer pong, and trying to peep into the girls locker room with his bro friends. He probably rolls his coaches lawns with toilet paper, and spray paints LIONS FOR EVER on people's driveways. He's likely not a very good person.
4- Aaron Rodgers: Aaron Rodgers is one of the worst people in the league. He does so much bad stuff, but just hasn't gotten caught yet. One day, though, it will all catch up to him and he will be exposed as being the terrible person that we all know he is.
1- Teddy Bridgewater: He has to play for the Vikings, but that's not his fault. Kinda like not being able to choose your parents, right? Teddy is a dude that even fans of other teams can root for. He's just kind of got that it-factor. We like Teddy.
2- Jay Cutler: Cutty came close to being #1, but sometimes he makes faces that aren't very aesthetically pleasing. If he'd work more on flashing those pearly whites and winking at the camera, he'd be the unanimous #1 in the league.
3- Matthew Stafford: There is nothing to like about the guy, unless you're an overgrown man-child who idolizes the frat bro life. Since there is a small population of people that like that, he isn't ranked #4.
4- Aaron Rodgers: This guy here, let me tell you what. Aaron Rodgers is stupid, dumb, a bad person, and generally very hateable as a person. He makes stupid commercials, has stupid trademarks, and plays for the worst team in the history of the league. Rumor has it he takes advantage of old people the same way Glenn Beck does, and does it all the while with that stupid pompous smile on his face. Just wait until this all surfaces and becomes public. R.I.P. Aaron Rodgers' career. Your stats will eventually all have asterisks by them and you will never get voted in to the Hall...
So, there you have it. The NFC Quarterbacks ranked in multiple categories. What do you think?