FanPost

Gravedancing: Bears vs. Lions, 2 October 2016




Ordinarily I regard this kind of thing as crass. It's the sort of Internet tendency I don't usually have any part of, unless it involves a game the Bears really should have lost, but didn't (San Francisco 2014) or is against the Packers. However, I got really tired of reading Lions fans' drivel about #WeThinkWe'reClever or whatever that was, or the list of Lion victories over the last few years. Having watched the Bears' first three games this year, my expectations weren't all that high, but I was very cautiously hopeful when I realized that Indianapolis is Godawful, and Detroit barely survived a game with them, then lost against Tennessee.

Plus, we won at home against a division team, the fans of which have been getting on my nerves. Consequently, I borrowed all of this from various pre-game, in-game, and post-game threads on PoD. And yeah, I did cherry-pick a little bit, because I wanted stuff that was somewhat entertaining - the endless predictions of scores showing a Lion win got boring after a while.

Reading guide:

Large bold text: Thread-starting subjects.

Smaller bold text: Replies to the thread-starter.

Plaintext: Body of various posts.

Thus:

Pre-Game

I'd feel better

If Cutler was going to play…. He is normally clutch at giving the Lions a win..

31-17 Lions

continuing in the owning of the bears.

Lions 1,000,000 Bears 0

Lions 27 Bears 20 is probably more realistic

Wow, bear fans are still predicting a win

Poor, sad, bear fans.

The Lions ain’t all that, but the bears aren’t anything at all.

39-29 Lions

Lions 52 Bears 17

keeping the sweep alive

I refuse to predict the score.

I don’t want to jinx the Lions.

Lions 17-Bears 32

As the Sim showed, they are ready to go off on us, and I just don’t know that our defense is capable of stopping anyone. Plus Hoyer’s playing and not Cutler

Plus I’m hoping for some reverse jinx thingy going on.

33-27 Lions

Both teams combine for 4 missed field goals and the Bears give up a safety.

35-17 Lions

If we lose this game, I think I will have little hope in the season. It’s a must-win against a pretty bad football team… even if Cutler plays. Our offense should put up 30+ points.

Bears 33 - Lions 28

I’ll be that guy. I just don’t see this Lions team winning a division road game early against an 0-3 team. The Lions have been losing this exact game for the last two decades.

Except

We own the Bears

Lions 37 - Bears 17

Lions defense steps up and shuts down the Bears for the first half and then give up three late scores as usual.

Lions 29, Bears 13

Bears have no running game. Shut down Jefferies and the game is over.

Lions 42 Bears 27

I think the offense goes off big.
While the defense will still suck, I think the Bears will turn the ball over a couple times trying to play catch up.

The Lions have won in Chicago, but the games have been close ... that trend reverses this Sunday

Lions 51 Bears 13

Everybody has been killing Lions return man Roberts. So he’ll have a big game, including one TD runback.

Lawson will mug a WR and get away with it, and have a pick-six.

Washington will rack up 150 yards and a couple of TDs.

Given the state of Chicago’s LBs, Ebron will have his first 100 yard game.

Dan O will run for a TD in the 4th qtr.

You read it here first.

Bears 23 - Lions 12

The Lions always, always play down to the competition. The offense can’t get going and the defense can’t stop anyone. POD implodes around 4:30 EST.


First Half

good god man

we better hope Hoyer starts beating himself, b/c our defense isn’t gonna do it…

(Editor's Note: This one was 15 minutes after the game started.)

Andre Roberts is conjuring up memories of Stefan Logan.

I feel like they suck in different ways

Seeing Joique in a Bears uniform give me the sads

Could be worse

He could be in a lions uniform instead, haha.

Kidding sort of. ……does look odd

Absolutely pathetic

We can’t even beat a bunch of Bears backups.

Lions gonna Lion.

Much applause

The Lions somehow look more hungover than I am right now which is downright impressive

Paging Golden Tate

Is there a Golden Tate anywhere?

I've been a supporter of Caldwell

Records and wins trump everything. However the team has just looked unprepared week after week. We’ve seen the potential, but they obviosly aren’t there for 4 quarters. The heart, desire, and grit just isn’t there.

God, are you there? It's me, a devastated lions fan

I’d rather watch the bears score every drive than have to witness another Andre Roberts punt return

If we where the Bears, how pissed would we be to only be up 7-0 after dominating on both sides of the ball.

Guys, we are still way into this game.

Well, that first half was a pant-load of awfulness.


Second Half

We have a QB so no need to rebuild

It’s more of a "reload" when you have a good QB already.

Replace the OL coaching (including Caldwell), add a couple of defenders, and bolster the depth chart across the board and we’ve got a winner. Just not with Caldwell at the helm.

I don't think so

They are just bad playing down to your competition suggest you are better than your competition

They have shown they can play really good

When it’s too late…

Garbage time Kings!

Gonna switch from Aperitif to Beer, that should help.

I got a bottle of scotch out

Lord help me

Roberts finally moves the ball somewhere forward, and the offense tries to take it right back

Heard on the radio

Tate was indeed benched for a minute

I didn't even notice he wasn't on the field.

lmao

How would anybody? lol

All the receivers ran the right routes?

Every time I get confident and start Stafford in fantasy

This shit happens

Okay...time to see what our second-half offense looks like

Embarrassing or just run of the mill awful?

This is so bad

getting shredded by brian fucking hoyer

Holy fuck dline get in the FUCKING BACKFIELD YOU LAZY SHITS

(Editor's Note: This one didn't have a title line, it was just the body text.)

Making Brian Hoyer and his ilk

look like Joe Fucking Montana is no way to win football games, guys.

What is the Line even doing. The game where you had to stay back because you are afraid of a scrambling QB was last week.

The only hope is John Fox's conservative nature saves us.

Wide. Fucking. Open.

Fire them all.

Embarrassing. Pathetic. Ridiculous

I’m running out of words to describe how bad this D is.

I don’t see how a Ziggy/Levy return fixes this.

Doomed.

_oome_

We have no D.

Watching this Lions team play is like constantly smelling a bad fart.

So this is it right? If they lose to the Bears, Caldwell finds his own way back to Detroit to collect his things...right?

I sure hope so.

seconded

who would you make the HC

cause there isn’t one coach I would trust being a HC on this sorry staff

Does it matter. Anyone off the street with no facial expression will do.

Hello darkness my old friend,

I see we’ll be picking in the top 10 again…

lol

Because mock draft season is softly creeping
then you make a play while I was sleeping

lmao

And a nightmare that was planted in my mind
has come to life
Why it’s the bumbling Lions.

The Bears were supposed to be what our doctor ordered.

Instead, we’re what the Bears’ doctor ordered.

I have a feeling we are going to cure a lot of teams' ills this season

This is another reason why Megatron retired.

He saw this collapse coming.

dafuq is this shit

They're gushing over Howard, can't believe he went in the 5th round

I really wanted Howard, it’s so painful he went to the bears

Hey guys

Headed home from work to watch the game. Can you tell me what I missed in 4 words or less?

We fucking suck

Awful defense. Awful offense.

You missed shit.

our team fucking blows

Go. Back. To. Work.

Offense blows

Defense worse.

Sure.

Nothing has changed.

Looks like the Lions are going to ruin a perfectly good hashtag.....

down 11 to the fucking bears

the BEARS good lawd it’s like getting kicked in the nuts, then told your parents are getting a divorce and it’s all your fault, by the way your dad is screwing both your ex GF and your current GF in nasty 3somes and you’re fired

Gross

But this game feels pretty gross too

that's where i was going with it

i’m going to need a shower after this game

Roberts took a knee????????

Holy crap! It looks like Jim Caldwell can learn! It only takes making the wrong decision 15-20 times or so.

We might want to hire the security guard who stuffed the gorilla streaker.

At least he can tackle.

Of the two QBs starting today

which one would you have thought was more likely for a 300 passing game?

the top 5 one

ZERO TDs against the effing Bears' backups, guys

That is a whole new level of bad that we haven’t seen in years with this franchise.

1-15 here we come

so who are we taking with the No.1 pick next year ?

I'm going to see if I can find a paper bag

to put on me in my living room. This is embarrassing.

Hope all you #weownthebears

Fuck boys are happy. (Be humble with this team)

#WeOwnOurselves

So glad I went fishing and didn't torture my self keeping up with the game

This has been an impressive game

Really solid OL play. Defense looks motivated and stout; not at all unprepared for a backup QB.

WRs are catching everything. Tate is open every play! What a stud — he is well worth his salary!

This is fantastic football! I hope we can afford the salary Caldwell will demand after this outstanding performance in a must-win game.

Post-Mortem

Two straight years

and the season is over by Week 4.

The Lions just got curb-stomped by a terrible team,

riddled with injuries, with their backup QB, who had gotten slaughtered by every team they had played so far. They allowed over 100 yards rushing, over 300 yards passing, forced no turnovers (again), never pressured the opposing passer (again), and gave up a backbreaking TD drive when they really needed to hold.

They couldn’t move the ball on offense, couldn’t run the ball, dropped balls, turned it over, got flagged for numerous holding calls that ruined drives, looked disjointed and had numerous communication issues, false starts and other sloppy play.

In short they played like the worst team in football.

Does that about cover it?

Quinn Please FIRE CALDWELL FIRE AUSTIN AND FIRE WHOEVER YOU SEE FIT!!!

We lost to the FUCKING BEARS……………….THE FUCKING BEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IDC what Caldwell has to say he has to go I refuse to endure another 1-7 season!!!!!!!!!!!! Get rid of that bum Quinn!!!!!!!!!!!!

This loss has me literally foaming at the mouth……….because of all losses its the fucking BEARS!!!!!!!!!!!

Every time I start to feel like I have the hardest time finding success in life

I remember the Lions are a thing, and feel better about myself

On the plus side

The amount of free time I have each Sunday has increased by about three hours. This team isn’t even worth getting upset about. They don’t look like they care (except Stafford), so why should I?

Don't worry Caldwell has never been in Quinns long-term plans ...

Keeping Caldwell was calculated by Quinn … if things continue, Caldwell will probably gone by the beginning of the Bye week

I WANT HIM GONE NOW!!!!!!!!!

SMDH I now know how Dennis Green felt in 2006...

Bouncing back

When there is nothing to bounce back to – is not bouncing back.

In stocks, this is called a Dead Cat Bounce. Pretty fitting description of last season, confirmed by this season’s start.

The question before the game was ...

"Are the Bears the worst team in the NFL?"

The Lions now have the same record as the Bears, and they juxt lost to the Bears.

I’ve been saying it since the Cowboys playoff loss. Caldwell needs to go.

Got a lot of grief for it. What do people think now? It was, and remains obvious.

This was true SOL trash

This wasn’t just a bad game, this isn’t just a bad start. This is unbelievably bad of the nature heads should be rolling, eventually.

As for positives? There literally are none.

Tate has been a drama queen his entire career

This isn’t surprising.

He’s tanking it. He’s not playing as well as he can on purpose. He’s not the top option and he’s pouting.

So much for Caldwell and his "discipline." The players don’t give a damn what Jim Caldwell thinks. Caldwell is a terrible choice for head coach.

I swear to god

If Quinn doesn’t fire Caldwell like soon, my head’s going to f****** explode. I don’t know how much more I can take off this, I’m sick and tired of this team having no fire or passion, I’m sick and tired of this team coming out flat either in the first half for the second half, and I think what I’m most tired of is that they’re unprepared and undisciplined and just a bad team. I know people get their feelings hurt when Fans Say same old lions, but please anybody feel free to tell me why they’re not the same old lions please I am begging you to give me something to give me encouragement here. I said 2 weeks ago when we lost to the Titans that the season was already over. Folks were up in arms about that, what are you all thinking now, another wasted season and the lions are right back where they always are at the bottom of their division at the bottom of the whole league and at the top of the draft board. I just wish for once in my life the Lions could actually put a whole season together. All year I can’t wait for football to start and the Lions to start playing, and every year I think it’ll be different but no it’s never different, I honestly feel sorry for fans who are in their fifties or sixties who have watched this team their whole life just to get their hearts broken year in and year out game in and game out, I’m not that old yet but I have a feeling I’m going to be that age by the time this shitshow ever gets going. I’ve got one to blame but myself because I’m used to it by now. I can’t believe the Season is over on October 2nd same old f****** lions who are we drafting with the first pick in the draft.

We had one job.

That job was to win. Instead we played like ass.

-------------

Selah, Bears fans. Be seeing you.

This Fanpost was written by a Windy City Gridiron member, and does not necessarily reflect the ideas or opinions of its staff or community.