Back in August, I came to you with "5 Predictions for the 2017 Chicago Bears." Many of you chided me for such sillyness. Yet let us take a look at the astonishing accuracy I presented you all with. That's right, I am actually owning up to what I predicted online, several months ago.
1. Jordan Howard will break the record for most broken tackles in a season.
I pointed out that Marshawn Lynch’s 2014 season was the most broken tackles in a season at 59 (from RB’s during running plays). I predicted it would be broken. I was right. The broken tackle record was destroyed this year. But not from Howard, who had 42. It came from Kareem Hunt, who logged 69 broken tackles on running plays this year. WOW! Just WOW!
2. Leonard Floyd will be number 64.
63 players have totaled 10 or more sacks in their second season. Leonard Floyd was supposed to be the next name on the list. I think I had a bad pastrami sandwich before I went to bed and dreamed this vision.
3. Connor Barth will be around 85%.
Connor finished with an accuracy rate of 100%.... on extra points. Only 68.8% on FG’s. I can assuredly give myself a 50% right answer here. In the immortal words of Lego Batman, "first try!"
4. Mitchell Trubisky becomes the starting QB in game 7.
This would have come true if Mike Glennon wasn’t worse than David Fales. So I’ll take a 10% correct answer here.
5. The Bears make the playoffs at 10-6.
Did I mention my visions are mostly peyote induced?
At any rate, it looks like I finished with .6 of 5 correct predictions. You can’t get any more guru-ish than that. Frankly, Miss Cleo is a bit jealous of my Roberto Aguayo like accuracy.
I know what you are thinking… "what’s next, oh great oracle of the North?"
Ask and you shall receive young Padawans.
Welcome to my:
5 Predictions for the Bears Offseason
1. Jimmy Garropolo is a plant sent by Darth Hoodie.
Everyone is puzzled by the 2nd round pick in exchange for the heir apparent, especially when the Browns offered a 1st. But I think there’s a larger scheme at play here. Bob is sold out to Tom. Bill trades Jimmy for a 2nd. Tom falls flat in the playoffs. Bob finally trusts Bill that it’s time to move on from Tom. Bob & Bill convince Tom to retire. Jimmy becomes a free agent and refuses to sign anything John throws at him. Jimmy agrees to a new contract with his new team, the New England Patriots. How does this affect the Bears? Read on my friend.
2. Eli Manning is planted in Blake country.
The Jags exit in the AFC playoffs to the hot hand of Big Ben gives Shahid and Tom all the motivation they need to go get Eli. Why Eli? Jimmy is back in NE, and Cousins hopped a flight to get a mile high. Eli is the only man left that won't cost everything under the sun. So how does this matter to the Bears? Patience. You are about to find out.
3. The Bills need a Baker.
If you’re following so far, Jimmy goes to NE. Eli to the Jags. Denver nabs Cousins. That leaves Cleveland, NY Giants, and NY Jets all needing a QB prior to the Bears pick at #8. Supply; meet demand. Our own Beloved fleece the Bills out of #21 and #22 as they leapfrog up to take Baker Mayfield after 3 QB’s are taken in the top 7. Darnold/Rosen go 1/2 (in either order) and Allen goes #6 to the Jets. The Bills brass, desperate not to miss out on the only man left standing, go bonkers and kick it up a notch (Scott Norwood style) and dish us a ton of ammo for Mayfield.
4. Pace signs 3 splash free agents.
Pace has his QB1. Pace has his HC. Pace has his DC. Pace has a boatload of cash. Pace nabs LB Tahir Whitehead, WR Kamar Aiken, and DT Dontari Poe. This gives the Bears a front 3 of Goldman, Poe, Hicks. A LB crew of Floyd, Kwit, Trevathan, and Whitehead. Thereby allowing Fangio to drool at a front 7 he can finally blitz with and Pace the freedom to take Nelson in the 1st, and a WR in the second to give Trubisky the protection and ammunition he needs.
5. Nagy lands another
Reid coaching tree prodigy major player as OC. Juan Castillo was the Eagles offensive line coach under Reid from 1998-2010. During that time, Castillo coached an offensive juggernaut that rushed for over 24,000 yards. Mark Helfrich brings experience. He won’t be looking to call plays. He has a connection to Nagy through Reid. And most importantly, he brings a winning attitude. I've actually seen this one coming for a while now. I know it wasn't much of a stretch to "predict" this one. It was easy to predict as the coaching staff started to take shape. You could tell they were going to go to the college ranks for a QB whisperer at this point.
So count on it my WCG fan club. You can save the accolades for later.