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The best Bears Valentine’s Day poems

Only the most wholesome of romantic Bears poems here.

NFL: Chicago Bears at Arizona Cardinals
What a Bears friendship.
Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports

People tackle the idea of romance differently.

First, you have the folks who find ways to celebrate their loved ones throughout the calendar year, not just on one holiday out of obligation. This can come in the form of randomly delivered flowers, spontaneous elaborate dinners, gifts, what have you. These people know how to strike the perfect balance in their relationships. If they seem like unicorns, they might be, but they still know what they’re doing.

Then, you have those who pronounce Valentine’s Day as “Valentimes” like they know it’s nails on a chalkboard to purely take a random day in the middle of February way too seriously. These are the people you, as a sane person, must do everything in your power to avoid. After that, you have the perfectly content and happy singles living out their fulfilling lives. If they’re not happy, they’re living out an existential crisis.

It’s the same general idea, right? Right?

What all these people and characters of different strokes have in common, though, is that they can celebrate Bears romance with Valentine’s poems. Be it whether they’re the epitome of The Lady and the Tramp, or halfheartedly hours deep into their favorite Netflix series.

Here are some Bears rhymes with your typical “roses are red” format for every major figure at Halas Hall. I assure you, Cupid had a hand in each and every one of these cheesy beautiful renditions.

Kansas City Chiefs v Chicago Bears Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

Roses are red

He has a knack for getting after the Pack

I still can’t believe

The Bears made a trade for Khalil Mack

Roses are red

You don’t need to keep making a comparison

Mitchell Trubisky is still

Quite the quarterback specimen

Roses are red

It took an unreliable, unscientific poll

For the under-appreciated Akiem Hicks

To finally make his first Pro Bowl

Roses are red

Before the quarterback even settles in

He’s already thrown a pick-six

To Eddie Jackson

Wild Card Round - Philadelphia Eagles v Chicago Bears
A picturesque format.
Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

Roses are red

While he may lack size

Watching Tarik Cohen break into the open field

Is like seeing a beautiful sunrise

Roses are red

Calling him “Baby Gronk” might have been premature

For Adam Shaheen’s future potential

Seems very unsure

Roses are red

Charles Leno Jr. has nothing but heart

That’s because in three years

He hasn’t missed a start

Roses are red

Those who criticized Roquan Smith for wanting protections in his contract

Shut up quickly after a good season

And had to retract

Chicago Bears v Miami Dolphins
When the rhymes keep coming in hot.
Photo by Marc Serota/Getty Images

Roses are red

There’s been nothing but issues with his shoulder

Yet every time Anthony Miller scores a touchdown

He proves to be as strong as a boulder

Roses are red

Eddie Goldman is someone many a Bears defender appreciates

For when anyone tries to block him

He’ll put them on skates

Roses are red

He started his Chicago career slow

Once Allen Robinson got going

He became Trubisky’s favorite downfield beau

Roses are red

Benny Cunningham is one of the Bears’ running backs

Who everyone wants in more

After seeing what Taquan Mizzell lacks

Chicago Bears v Minnesota Vikings Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

Roses are red

He defines himself by a PFF grade

When Adrian Amos should know

That in a contract negotiation, it won’t come to his aid

Roses are red

A very Chicago-Polish last name is Kwiatkoski

Not to be confused

With the amazing Zeglinski

Roses are red

It took some time for him to become the one

Know that I never doubted Leonard Floyd

Who has always been my son

Roses are red

Once he saw Matt Patricia’s porous Lions defense

Taylor Gabriel knew that when he guaranteed a win

He would make sense

Wild Card Round - Philadelphia Eagles v Chicago Bears
A warrior’s welcome.
Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

Roses are red

Kyle Long has been such an icon

It might behoove the Bears

To keep all of that brawn

Roses are red

His name is Chase Daniel

So for the love of God

Stop. Adding. A. Damn. S. To. The. End.

Roses are red

He plays guard, not quarterback

So don’t take an S off James Daniels’ name

And stay on track

Roses are red

The Bears didn’t know what to do with him

Two years later and All-Pro Kyle Fuller’s future

Is no longer so dim

Wild Card Round - Philadelphia Eagles v Chicago Bears
A newfound pick machine.
Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

Roses are red

So many times Cody Parkey hit the upright

That it should be fair to assume

He did it out of spite

Roses are red

Did you know Robbie Gould used to kick for the Bears?

I know, you don’t have to keep incessantly reminding me

At some point, a man hardly cares

Roses are red

Due to limited cap space, he still could get cut

For now with Danny Trevathan

We can keep that conversation shut

Roses are red

Jordan Howard is proficient near the goal line

It’s high time the Bears seek out

A more versatile back to wine and dine

Roses are red

It’s difficult to find a word to rhyme with Iyiegbuniwe

Yet somehow, through careful thinking

I found a way

Green Bay Packers v Chicago Bears Photo by Stacy Revere/Getty Images

Roses are red

A groin injury was not anxiety-induced for Trey Burton

Stop acting

As if you are so certain

Roses are red

The Bears can’t afford to be fickle

For Bryce Callahan is everything they need

In the perfect nickel

Roses are red

Vic Fangio is gone to Denver

Thanks to Khalil Mack, Akiem Hicks, and Eddie Jackson

The Bears’ defensive success won’t be a blur

Roses are red

It took two seasons for him to get another interception

Once Prince Amukamara got rolling

He completely changed his perception

Roses are red

For awhile it didn’t seem like they knew what they were doing

A Pro Bowl year for Cody Whitehair at center

Now makes it evident what the Bears were pursuing

Wild Card Round - Philadelphia Eagles v Chicago Bears
He’s actually whispering “Be You.” Incredible.
Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

Roses are red

If you still doubt that Ryan Pace is a magician

Look no further

Than his latest Bobby Massie addition

Roses are red

Matt Nagy established Club Dub

Next February, it’s difficult to see

The Bears being a Super Bowl snub

Robert is the Editor-in-chief of The Blitz Network (subscribe here!), the managing editor of Windy City Gridiron, and writes for many fine publications. You can follow him on Twitter @RobertZeglinski.