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What’s that Bear doing? Beating your Panther tush in a 23 to 16 stomp-down

The Chicago Bears get their first non-heart-attack-inducing win in the 2020 season, so why can’t I help being worried about their offense?

Chicago Bears v Carolina Panthers
End zone, have you Kmet Cole?

The question of whether the Bears are pretenders is getting more tiring by the week, but to get it to stop, the Bear are going to have to put together a dominant win against a worthy opponent. The Panthers made their case to be a worthy opponent in the first 5 games of the season, but the Bears didn’t do their part to display consistently-competent dominance. Are the Bears being held to a different standard than other successful teams? Probably. But being disrespected never hurt anyone. It builds character.

Full box score can be found here.


I didn’t write a Bears fan fiction series this year

But if I had, it might have started with the Bears being robbed of a safety, then forcing an interception, then throwing a touchdown to the rookie tight end people have been getting worried about. Speaking of which...

Cole Kmet catches up to Adam Shaheen in the Bears 2nd-round TE race to mediocrity

Shaheen drew first blood last week, and it was looking bad for our hero, but Kmet responded quickly, scoring the Bears first week 6 touchdown and putting Shaheen on notice. This will be a riveting competition all season and will likely determine whether the Bears feel compelled to draft another second round tight end in the 2021 draft.

Tashaun Gipson setting himself up to garner the Bears another compensatory pick

Last year, as the the plucky sidekick to the Bears secondary stars, Ha Ha (Clinton) Dix earned himself a contract big enough to award the Bears a compensatory pick. The year before that, it was Adrian Amos. This year, Tashaun Gipson has the chance to shine surrounded by elite secondary talent in Eddie Jackson, Kyle Fuller, and yes, rookie CB Jaylon Johnson. He’s taking advantage of it so far, with a great game all around as well as his early touchdown-set-up interception.

Demetrius Harris, could ya catch a ball?

Just whenevs its convenient for you. I only mention it because it would help the Bears move the ball downfield and score points.

Eddie Jackson or Akiem Hicks?

In the middle of Jeff Berckes’ who’s your second favorite Bear poll on twitter, the two elite Bear defenders collaborated on a takeaway, where Eddie forced a fumble and The Dream picked it up. I love both of those Bears deeply, but Akiem had my heart before Eddie ever showed up, so you know where I stand.

Don’t throw the ball at Jeremy Chinn

This proved to be a poor decision early in the game, and a disastrous decision later when Foles threw a pick right into his rookie kitten paws. I wanted the Bears to draft Chinn right around the time they drafted Cole Kmet. Obviously Kmet is a touchdown-scoring unstoppable force, so I can’t be mad. But at least give the man a little more respect?

Nicholas needs to spend less time worrying about his fancy wiener and more time throwing good passes

Like many Bears fans, I let myself feel optimistic about what this offense could be under Nick Foles. Combine a smart playcaller with a cerebral quarterback who understands the nuances of the offense-defense chess match in a way Trubisky couldn’t comprehend? Sign me up, right? Well... there’s a reason Nicky has been a career backup. The man makes some bad throws. Today, those bad throws were on full display and I’m already regretting trading for him in my fantasy league. Also...

Nick Foles has more mental toughness than I ever will

People talk about “next play mentality” and coming off a touchdown or an interception with the same mindset. It’s usually just a lofty aspiration, but for Nick Foles it seems true to an inhuman level. If he’s the first robot quarterback, I’m here for it. I’m the fan who gives up at the first bad call against my team, decides the world is against me, and thinks my best option is to drink a mediocre beer and hope my postgame analysis turns out okay anwya. I mean, to be honest, nobody reads this thing, they just come here to put their opinion in the comments.

Carolina’s run defense entered this game rated 29th in run defense by football outsiders

Somebody should have told that to David Montgomery, who rushed for 3.1 yards per carry. I really though our offensive line had turned things around during the first three games, and then hold out hope against two great run defenses through week five. Today was definitely disappointing. If it makes you feel better, David, Pagano-pronouced “beast” Mike Davis only ran for 2.9 yards himself against the Bears formidable run D.

The best Bears screen pass in recent memory

Was a 4 yard wide receiver screen to Allen Robinson on 2nd and 10. Great job, Bears!

Too many Bears should not be a penalty

The dumbass refs called too many Bears in the huddle twice in this game despite the fact that there is no such thing as too many bears. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only sane person surrounded by morons.

Rasul Douglas on Allen Robinson

A cornerback who was considered a bust on the Eagles managed to cover Allen Robinson tightly enough to get multiple “pass defenses” against him. I get the Bears trusting that matchup, but seeing them lose it is disappointing.

Cool graphics

I like the drawings of people who got touchdowns in the graphic that says they got a touchdown. Great touch, FoxNFL.

Good announcers

On Jaylon Johnson’s “pass interference” penalty, the very smart announcer said “ah c’mon.” Best commentary I’ve heard in a while.

Roquan Smith having a quiet 10 tackles/game season

Let’s keep it quiet. His twitter as a bunch of humble self-motivating messages and I want him to keep that mentality so he keeps getting 10 tackles a game.

Mario Edwards isn’t looking so Jr.

The late veteran addition has proved to be a valuable depth piece over the last few games and I’m quite pleased by it.

DHC - Da Hellofaplayattheendofthegame Character

Two games. Two plays by Deandre Houston-Carson that finished the game with a Bears W. If he keeps doing it, I’ll make a better acronym for his initials.


As Bears fans, it’s hard to just enjoy a win. I don’t know exactly what’s wrong with us. Maybe it’s not having an answer at the most important position in sports for over 50 years. Maybe it’s the bitterness that the wind chill puts on our face and the high standards of perfect we’ve come to expect from eating deep dish pizza and flawless italian beef. But I think we might just want to enjoy what was a mostly comfortable win against an inferior, albiet plucky, conference opponent. Is that too much to ask? Dumb question. Of course it’s too much to ask.