Dear Mr. Ryan Pace,
I know we haven’t always seen to eye to eye.
I know you’re working very hard on bringing a sparkling, beautiful silver trophy back to pris-tine Soldier Field and its rightful home. (It is, after all, A Trophy That Cannot Be Named.) But like you, we — and I by we I mean the nation of passionate, knowledgeable, and incomparable Chicago Bears fans — are quite, I have to say, fired up. And, we’d love to, if you will, collaborate on such diligent efforts.
We have some ideas that even One Papa Bear (rest his soul on his navy and orange throne in Heaven above) would cer-tain-ly appreciate for their creativity and outright brilliance, if I do say so myself.
Our partners in won-der-ful Bear-dom over at Windy City Gridiron, who are ex-act-ly who you thought they were — the best friends us Jack’s and Joe’s could hope for — have already compiled an insightful list of Who’s Who’s, What’s What’s, Where’s Where’s, and Why’s Why’s at the quar-ter-back position. Which, as you know, our beloved Bears do not really need one to “win.” It’s only fair, because we are a be-no-ve-lent bunch, to the other teams who so happen to have the pleasure of facing the Bears every relaxing Sunday. To even out (gestures waves with hands) the playing field.
Without further a-dieu, here is a com-pre-hen-sive-ly researched list of names that we, the SuperFans, believe are most worthy of wearing the i-con-ic C on their helmet and the le-gen-da-ry GSH on their shoulder at quarterback.
1. Russell Wilson: While we’re not normally ones to downplay the accom-plish-ments of others, we think it’s in the best interest of one certain Mr. Wilson to play for the Bears, and only then become a (looks around) First-Ballot Hall of Famer.
2. Russell Carrington Wilson: Did you know his middle name was Carrington? Neither did we. Hey, we’re not an all-knowing Ditka. There’s clearly more than meets the eye for the Bears’ next starter this coming fall.
3. @DangeRussWilson a.k.a. Mr. Unlimited a.k.a. Russell Wilson: Fun fact (licks finger) Wilson threw for 40 touchdowns last season. Im-pre-ssive, for a Seattle Seahawk. Now, imagine how many touchdowns he would throw for the beloved. 70? 80? Perhaps a little too con-ser-va-tive, we admit.
4. RW: These letters are part of the short inscription the Bears will put on Wilson’s picturesque statue when he retires with a ring on all 10 fingers, plus his nose (we’re not ones to judge). Where will this statue go, you might ask? Now would be the time to commission a certain Park District for a place next to The Bean, in our humble opinion.
5. “The Asterisk” or “Robot Russell”: Pat tells me, closely, these are Wilson’s nicknames. While they sound kooky from afar, and don’t ex-act-ly roll off the tongue, everyone knows this would change with our Bears. His deep passes roll off his fingers, and that’s all that matters to us.